


Good Fences Make Lonely Roommates

by Morlemia_R



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Awkward Ben Solo, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben just wants to make Rey feel good, Crack Treated Seriously, Crushes, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Rey Needs A Hug, also this is the roommate fic i didn't plan on writing but here we are, and they were ROOMMATES, this is the quarantine fic i didn't plan on writing but oops here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morlemia_R/pseuds/Morlemia_R
Summary: For the past five months, Rey and Ben have successfully managed to avoid each other (and their feelings) by spending most of their time outside their new, shared apartment.However, after COVID-19 forces everyone to stay home, the two may finally have to confront what they've been running from.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 89
Kudos: 261





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as a silly, one-shot idea in my head that then spun out of control. I will say right now, I debated posting it for a long time because with everything going on in the world involving COVID-19, I don't want anyone to feel I'm taking it lightly or making fun; I'm most definitely not. And I also debated because I want to give you guys stories to distract you from stresses of day to day life, but...this story wouldn't leave my head, and maybe watching Ben and Rey be dorks about it will help someone? I know the zillions of memes have certainly been helping me, so maybe I can contribute in that way. Jokes are kinda my specialty in stressful situations.
> 
> Fair warning, as I said, the whole plot revolves around the corona-virus (although no one gets it, it's just the reason they have to stay inside), and Ben and Rey both discuss their mental health issues of depression, anger, and anxiety. However, all of this is done in a lighthearted manner.
> 
> Okay, with all of THAT out of the way, onto the story! (But also stay safe guys, wash your hands, and if you need to chat I'm always here!) Also the title of the fic is from the poem Mending Wall by Robert Frost, the original quote being 'Good Fences Make Good Neighbors.'

**Day 1**

On the day Hosnian City went into emergency shutdown and advised everyone to self-isolate, Rey was upset.

Firstly, for the obvious reasons; the scary factor of a pandemic spreading so rapidly, and so many people falling ill to it, all the people suffering from it. Rey knew she was lucky in her own life; she was only 23, in great shape, and most of her friends were too, discounting Finn who had asthma. (And who had been promptly sent to work from home by Leia as soon as she heard the news.) All of her friends over fifty had taken precautions and been staying home. And besides even that, the company she worked for, Resistance Tech, had seamlessly moved everyone to doing their work at home and was paying adequate sick leave if you couldn’t. If you looked on the bright side (which Rey always tried to), as an introvert-a friendly one, but an introvert nonetheless-the idea of a month at home sounded...well, sort of blissful to Rey. There was just a tiny snag.

Which was the second reason Rey was upset. The nonsensical one, the one she didn’t even want to confess to Finn because it was such a petty complaint;

She did not want to be stuck in her apartment with Ben Solo for a month.

Rey groaned as she rolled onto her back, staring at the popcorn ceiling above her. (Why did they do that? Rey was an engineer and she _still_ didn’t couldn’t figure out who in the fuck thought making a ceiling look like popcorn was a good idea.) It had been five months since Ben Solo became her roommate. _Five months._ She worked with him, she was friends with his parents, his best friend was dating her best friend, _she should be over it._

But she wasn’t.

And now all her plans for getting over him were foiled because of COVID-19. She cringed inwardly. _Not that my stupid complaints matter, this is a serious issue and I shouldn’t even be whining._ Growing up under the care of Plutt...well, no, care was the wrong word... Growing up under the fuckery of Plutt, Rey had been in far worse situations without being able to do much of anything. This time around, she had a roof over her head, food, and the ability to continue to make a difference with Resistance, even from home. She wasn’t going to pine, or pout.

 _Get it together, Rey._ With a determined nod, she threw back the blankets and opened the curtains. It was sunny outside, looking for all intents and purposes like a beautiful, calm day. She nodded again- _me thinks I doth nod too much-_ and opened her bedroom door, stepping out into the rest of the apartment with confidence.

And abruptly screeching to a halt as the bathroom door opened across from her, revealing Ben, in a whirl of steam, clad only in a towel hung low around his waist. Water was literally dripping down him, collecting in his abs. His hair was _wet._ Rey froze, all the confidence leaving her. Ben froze as well, looking so shocked that for a second Rey thought she’d dreamed of letting him into her apartment and this was actually his place and she was just an intruder.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you get up-”

“I just woke up I-”

They stared at each other.

“Good shower?”

“Yeah. Yup. Good shower. Plenty of hot water, er, left. You want shower?”

“Uh, yeah, might shower-”

“Good, good, enjoy shower-” They were slowly circling each other, so eventually Ben wound up backing away towards his bedroom and Rey was backing up into the entrance of the living room.

“Gonna eat-”

“Uh, coffee, is on, er, no, you like tea?”

“Yep, that’s fine, thanks, coffee is good too,”

“Uh-huh, I’ll just-” he nodded towards his room and Rey nodded back and a second later he shut the door.

Rey almost collapsed on the floor, feeling so exhausted she kinda wanted to just crawl back into bed. _Every_ interaction with Ben ended with her feeling that way. She forced herself to turn around, going into the kitchen and setting her green kettle onto the stove.

Poe had actually been the one to connect them, although Rey had a strong feeling Leia had gotten the idea first, and then just passed it along because it would have felt a _little_ odd for her boss to tell her to become roommates with her son. As it was, though, five months prior when Finn had said he wanted to move in with Poe, but wouldn’t do it until Rey had a replacement roomie, Poe had stepped up to bat with, _“What about Ben? He’s been living on Han and Leia’s couch since he quit F.O,”_

At the time, Rey knew three things about Ben; 1. He was Leia and Han’s slightly-estranged-but-we’re-working-on-it-just-please-don’t-ask son. 2. He used to work for First Order Industries, their rival in development _and_ environmentalism, but he had quit the month prior to come work for Resistance as their new head of funding. 3. He and Poe had been best friends in high school, and Poe was really trying to get that back. When she first started at Resistance Tech, she had kinda wanted to hate him, and had done pretty well at it for a while; but everyone she loved was trying _so hard_ to draw him back into their lives, Rey felt some guilt.

 _“I dunno…”_ she’d said, eyeing Poe wearily. _“I don’t know him.”_

 _“Look, I get the trepidation, but you actually have a lot in common.”_ Rey figured her face must have changed because Poe had cackled and held up his hands. _“No offense; you’re both very private, you both love plants and working out an abnormal amount, you’re both in therapy for depression-”_

 _“Jesus, Poe, isn’t that a little personal to tell me?”_ And when Poe shrugged she had nearly screamed, _“Did you tell_ him _that about_ me _?! Did you tell him I have anger problems?!”_

 _“Eh...no?”_ Before she could beat him with her stapler-which would have sucked to do, because she’d gone a whole week without a violent incident and her therapist had been so proud-he’d ducked from the room, hands pressed together in a form of prayer, begging her to just come along for one drink that night with Ben and some of the others from the office. _“If you hit it off, great, if not...we’ll find you another roommate.”_ She had agreed.

Rey didn’t consider herself appearance obsessed. She certainly grew up learning that appearances didn’t mean shit, and she’d only learned how to dress nicely because of Finn. Nevertheless, the first appearance of Ben Solo had made her knees buckle.

He was tall. _Really_ tall. And built. And he had pretty hair and deep eyes and... And he’d just _stared_ at her, as if he could tell she was falling apart and didn’t understand why. It only got worse, as she kept assuring herself he’d be an ass and she’d have an excuse not to room with him.

No such luck.

He was quiet, but when he did bother to speak, it was funny, not a loud humor, demanding attention like Poe, just tiny little interjections that spoke to how good of a listener he was; he was non-judgmental where everyone else was quick to tease or laugh after Rose recounted a story of accidentally stalking her high school crush at a mall; he was gentle when Rey banged her elbow on the table and he asked if he could touch it, to check for broken bones...Rey pretended she didn’t shiver, pretended she wasn’t staring at his lips as his fingers awkwardly prodded her elbow. And as the night wore on and Poe and Finn got drawn into a heated argument with Jannah and Armitage over which _Lord of the Rings_ film was best, Ben had focused on her, inquiring about her interest in engineering and what she enjoyed doing in her free time. It was unnerving, and it seemed to freak him out as deeply as it did her, the more things they found they had in common; favorite foods, favorite books, favorite...well, favorite _Lord of the Rings_ movie, for one thing. Ben had thrown his head in the direction of the argument, where Armie was tugging on his hair and looked ready to cry.

 _“So? Which one is best?”_ His voice was soft. Almost nervous. Which Rey remembered thinking was comical from such a tall, imposing person.

 _“They’re all one film, really,”_ she had responded. _“It’s not like_ Marvel _movies or_ Harry Potter _even with separate storylines; it’s one long plot, I could never choose one.”_

 _“I feel the exact same way.”_ He almost seemed unhappy to admit it. Rey knew she was.

But when Finn slung his arm around her shoulder that night, asking if she liked him, Rey couldn’t lie; she had felt bad enough making Finn wait to move as long as she had, as if she wasn’t an adult, as if she hadn’t taken care of herself before...so she just smiled and said she could room with him, and Finn had punched the air and kissed her on the cheek and then proceeded to launch himself into Poe’s arms.

Rey was sure the attraction would fade. Especially now that she had decided to be roommates, surely her logical brain would force her to reject the unreasonable desire she had to kiss him; she couldn’t kiss her boss’ son (although he wasn’t _her_ boss so technically…) and she _definitely_ couldn’t kiss her roommate. Besides, he wasn’t interested. And he made that clear. Oh, how ever did he make that clear.

Rey didn’t know how, but she knew she must have done _something_ in the first week of them living together to clue him in on her feelings, because Ben avoided her like a disease. (Ironic that a disease would force him to be around her again.) At first, Rey had felt a little offended, but then she decided that was actually the best idea for everyone involved. Ben was never going to be the roommate Finn had been, they were never going to stay up until four chatting, or binge-watch _Parks and Recreation_ , or go practice breathing exercises together when Rey was on the verge of breaking a flower pot...

They developed a rhythm without speaking; Rey got up at five and went for a run, then when she got home and got in the shower, Ben got up and ate breakfast; Ben then went to his room to change, Rey got out of the shower and went to the kitchen for tea; Ben went and took his shower; Rey got dressed and left, and then sometime after that, Ben would leave. They wouldn’t see each other at work, he was on floor ten and she was on floor six; around five, she would leave, and when she got home she would water the plants and go to her room to work; after six, Ben would arrive home and go for a run; while he was out, Rey would eat her dinner and do her dishes, and by seven he would be back and make his dinner while Rey watched TV in her room; they would only vaguely cross paths for the rest of the night when Rey needed water or to brush her teeth, but she fell asleep by the time ten hit, and Ben had insomnia, so the interactions were rare; for the most part it seemed like Ben usually just waited until she fell asleep. 

And that was their day. 

On weekends, Ben went to visit his folks and Rey hung out with Finn and Poe or went to see Rose and her sister...or went to therapy. In five months of sharing an apartment, most of the things she’d learned about Ben were from deduction or post-it notes they left for each other around the apartment. Rey had been the one to start that; _Need milk_ on the fridge or _preheated oven for you,_ on the stove. In turn, Ben would respond with notes of his own like _gonna be out late_ or _already watered plants._ He had amazing penmanship, she did learn that. Much better than hers. It was yet another stupid thing she noticed about him that made her heart get all fluttery.

Because yeah, her crush had definitely not lessened, it had only gotten worse. Maybe she didn’t _see_ Ben, but his cologne was everywhere and he was a considerate roommate and on the rare occasions they went out with the whole gang he was always funny in his quiet way and he remembered everything she said and-

And now, for the first time, they would be in the apartment together, 24/7 _with no escape._ Well, some escape, they could still go to the store or go for runs at the park, but Rey felt it would be a bit rude to run away because she had the hots for Ben and then come home with germs and make him sick.

 _Shit._ She froze with her hand on her favorite mug. What was she going to do about all her pent up energy? It was a subject she hadn’t even bothered to panic over yet; being cooped up in the apartment was going to wreak havoc on the progress she and Maz had made, wouldn’t it? Her fists tightened on instinct at the thought, and she had to breathe slowly through the panic.

The kettle whistled, drawing Rey’s thoughts back to the present, and she removed it from the stove and poured herself a cup, sighing as she drank it. A quick glance at the oven clock; **_8:50._ **Dammit. Only an hour since Leia had sent out the mass email and text message, letting everyone know to stay home. One hour and she was already all set for a panic attack, all because she had to be in the same building as Ben Solo’s abs and stupid fucking luscious hair and her own damn anger issues for who-knew-how-long.

 _That’s not important, Rey, what’s important is focusing on the work that you do and seeing how you can help._ With a grumble, she went back to her room and slipped into her tiny desk chair, booting up her desktop. Leia had given them permission to ‘come in’ late due to the changes, but Rey saw no reason to. She needed a distraction, and her room was too small to work out in.

If she couldn’t help herself, maybe she could help others.

-

By one, Rey was absolutely starving and went out to the kitchen to attempt to make lunch-well, ramen, to try to make ramen-only to stop short when she found Ben already occupying the space, frying something that smelled delicious and a lot more impressive than her cooking skills would ever allow. 

He turned from the stove slightly, as if he just _sensed_ her-he was always doing that-and blinked around a startled smile. “Oh, hi, um, you want a mushroom grilled cheese with fried potatoes on the side?”

Rey balked. She knew Ben ate well, going off of the ingredients he always had in the fridge, but _damn._ “I swear it’s better than it sounds,” he added with another soft smile that made Rey simultaneously want to punch something or kiss him.

“You have enough?” She asked, because she’d never turn down food. He nodded. “Um. Okay. Sure. Yes. Thank you.”

“Thank you. No, I mean, welcome, you’re welcome,” He shook his head, sighing, and turned back to the stove. His biceps popped as he flipped the sandwich in that fancy-ass way chefs did, without a spatula. Rey’s mouth watered.

“You wanna set the table?” He asked. Rey blinked and then frowned. Had they ever eaten together? Hell, had they ever even eaten at the table?

“You don’t want to just, um, eat in our rooms?” Ben shot her a glance over his shoulder, and for a minute she thought she saw disappointment. But then it was gone.

“Right. No, yeah, I’ve got a lot of work to do...mom wants to donate a portion of our funds to the Feed America people, so…” he switched off the stove and handed her a plate. The mention of Feed America and the smells in Rey’s nose made her eyes water, thinking about how it wasn’t that long ago that _she’d_ needed help getting fed.

“Right, well, thanks for the food, cheerio-” she dashed down the hall and shut her door. _Did I just fucking say ‘cheerio?”_

She groaned one final time and knocked her head back against the door.

-

**Peanut, 4:44, PM:** how u holding up peanut?

**Me, 4:50, PM:** fine. You and poe?

**Peanut, 4:52, PM:** we’re fine. Finally gonna watch Game o Thrones with our freetime...but Im more concerned about you

**Me, 4:53, PM:** what? Why?

**Peanut, 4:56, PM:** the thing that must not be named.

Dont you think you should probably let ben know now?

**Me, 4:59, PM:** stop acting like im a time bomb I told u its fine!

an d i swear to god if you tell ben...

**Peanut, 5:02, PM:** are we talking about your crush or your anger issues? I cant keep track

**Me, 5:06, PM:** I TOLD U THE CRUSH IS NOTHING

**Peanut, 5:08, PM:** ah so we’re talking about both

**Me, 5:13, PM:** fuck you

 **5:19, PM:** i’m sorry

...i love you

but seriously shut the fuck up about ben and me

 **5:20, PM:** and i’ll really b fine ill find a way to blow off steam in here

**Peanut, 5:22, PM:** sure you will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
**Me, 5:23, PM:** FINN


	2. Day 2 thru 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated waiting to post this, to spread out the updates, but then I thought, 'eh, most of us are bored at home, have some words!' so here you go. XD

**Day 2-**

Ben liked to think he was a logical person. He definitely hadn’t always been, but ever since quitting First Order and starting therapy with Tai, he believed he had truly gotten better at getting his emotions wrangled;  _ I control them, they do not control me  _ and all that.

Despite that, though, he was pretty sure this had to be some form of torture. A lesser known one, maybe, but still against the Geneva Convention. 

_ Is it payback? Karma come to call for what a dick I was?  _ Living in the same apartment as his dream woman and being unable to do anything about it seemed as good a curse as any.

_ Not _ that a woman shouldn’t have a right to wear what she wanted, or to do what she wanted in her own apartment...Ben wasn’t saying she was bad, or that it was her fault, or any of those other shitty things assholes in the stupid ‘friendzone’ whined over…no, this was on him.

But that didn’t change the fact that Rey was lifting weights in the living room, clad in a sports top and basket-ball shorts, and Ben was gripping his mug so hard he was a little concerned it was gonna break. Soft, eighties pop was lilting out from the speaker behind her, face scrunched up in concentration as her muscles rippled gloriously and  _ was that the hint of a six pack, christ _ -

_ Shit.  _ He must have made a noise because her gaze flicked up and she almost dropped the dumbbell.

“Ben! What are you doing...I mean, I thought you’d be asleep.”

It was five in the morning, so yeah, fair assumption. He gestured to the cup in his hand.

“Uh, restless, thought I’d get, um, tea...sleepytime tea. Yeah,”

“Right.” They just stared at each other, Rey’s eyes wide. “Well, um, I didn’t get a chance to exercise yesterday so I thought I would-”

“No, yeah, carry on, sure,” he forced himself to move to the kitchen, exhaling slowly once he was in the safety of the little yellow room.

Every time. God, he tried so hard, but she still always looked so  _ uncomfortable  _ whenever they spoke; was he really that transparent about his feelings? He hated the thought that she was uneasy in her own home, especially if it was because of  _ him.  _ It was why he had always tried so hard to keep out of her way. The only reason he was here was because her  _ real  _ friend had moved out, and she took pity on him, the twenty-eight-year-old who had to move back in with his parents because of the crummy decisions he’d made. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

Maybe...maybe in another world, where his first impression hadn’t been one of a complete loser...but no. They were roommates, and she obviously didn’t feel that way about him. He need only think of the disaster coming out of the shower the day before to remind himself; she’d seemed so flustered and upset and...  _ Pull it together. She’s probably just stressed about everything going on in the world, don’t be ridiculous, she probably hardly thinks about you. _

He’d known about Rey before he ever met her; his mom, on their weekly calls before he quit F.O, constantly gushed about their newest engineer, about all the ideas she had to help the environment, the way she just saw whole concepts mapped out in her head. And then once he started working there, it was clear everyone adored her; from Ackbar to Holdo, who in turn were the most forgiving and the least forgiving people at Resistance, she had won them over. How could Ben not immediately fall headfirst when he saw her at the bar, snorting into her beer with her hair in three buns? The suggestion he live with her had seemed ludicrous at first, Ben needed space, he was an introvert, and no matter what Poe claimed, he couldn’t imagine anyone was as private as he was…

But she was perfect. She was the perfect roommate. She was messy in her own space, he’d caught that the few times he saw into her room-NOT THAT HE WAS LOOKING-but she was good about keeping the communal area neat, which helped Ben’s stress levels immensely. 

And that was another great thing about Rey; she knew he went to therapy three times a week, but never once had she asked for what. He appreciated that...of course, he was a fucking hypocrite because he couldn’t fathom any reason why  _ Rey  _ would need therapy and desperately wanted to ask ever since Poe informed him, the day he was trying to convince him to room with her.

_ “You’re perfect for each other!” _

_ “I hate you, Dameron,” _

Except he was right.

_ And I’m screwing it up.  _ He ran a hand through his hair and cursed. Only two days into the whole quarantine, and he was already losing his goddamn mind. Thank god Tai, his therapist, was doing phone-call sessions, or he might just break down into a depressive episode or start spinning in his head. Honestly, he knew it was wrong to whine when he still had a job and didn’t have to worry about his health, but…

Well. He didn’t have to worry about his  _ physical  _ health. The mental, obviously, was shaky at best. He sighed yet again, remembering why he had come into the kitchen in the first place and beginning to search for a snack or tea or- 

From the living room, Rey let out a satisfied hum, like she’d hit a stretch that felt just right.

_ Shitshitshit-  _ he couldn’t be doing that. Couldn’t be thinking about her like that. The thoughts had always been there, sure, having obsessive thinking didn’t help it none, but he’d  _ never  _ let himself dwell there. He spun in a literal circle for a second, and then slammed the cup onto the counter-ridiculously relieved when it didn't break but also sort of disappointed-and hurried back to his bedroom.

-

_ “...so we had to change the structure of the foundation to make it more secure…”  _ Poe explained seriously, voice slightly muffled over Skype.  _ “But once we got a few more pillows it was fine.” _

It was the end of their first Skype meeting or, as Rose had started calling it, their ‘holographic Jedee conference’, a reference to the entire groups favorite TV show,  _ Galaxy Wars.  _ His mother, Holdo, and Ackbar had logged out long ago, after approving some donations and checking everyone knew what to work on while they were away. Now everyone was just messing around and chatting like it had been two years since they saw each other instead of two days. It was ridiculous.

But Ben hadn’t logged out yet, either, so he couldn’t really judge.

_ “Beebee absolutely loved crawling under the blankets,”  _ Finn continued, grinning.

_ “I miss Beebee!”  _ Rey cried, face scrunching up in her corner of the screen adorably. Ben had to hide his smile; he could see books behind her, propped up on the long dresser she kept mostly to store tools rather than clothes.

_ “Once the plague has dissipated, you can walk him again, peanut,”  _ Finn assured her.

_ “Yes, not to worry, peanut,”  _ Poe repeated over Finn’s shoulder.

_ “Why are you two sharing a screen? Don’t you both have laptops?”  _ Armitage asked.

_ “Shut up, we’re adorable!” _

_ “Guys! I’m in my pajama bottoms right now,”  _ Rose announced gleefully.  _ “I just had a business meeting in my pajama bottoms.” _

_ “We’re oh-so-happy for you,”  _ His uncle said, and while it would have been read as sarcastic from anyone else, he knew his uncle was being 100% sincere.  _ “Did you all get the meditations I sent you? They really do help with the stress of isolation,” _

_ “Yeah, I did some this morning, thanks Luke,”  _ Jannah replied. Ben noticed Rey’s face took on a slightly stormy look, but it was quickly replaced by a smile and he wondered if he’d imagined it.

_ “Armie is the only one who’s  _ really  _ isolated…”  _ Rose pointed out, putting on an exaggerated pout as Armitage dipped out of frame and reappeared with an orange tabby.

_ “I am not alone, thank you, I have Millicent.” _

_ “Give her some catnip for me, poor thing,” _

_ “What are you trying to do, kill me? You know she gets crazed on catnip!” _

_ “Rose is just trying to give your cat a gift because she’s probably all stressed out having to be around her daddy twenty-four seven.”  _ Poe helpfully added. Armitage stuck out his tongue and Finn frowned.

_ “Ew. No one ever refer to Armie as ‘daddy’ ever again…”  _ Rey let out a static-filled bark of laughter, face lit with glee and relaxed, like it always was around these guys. These guys who weren’t Ben. He wanted to laugh along with her, make some joke about Armitage...it was easy to do, the two of them were sworn frenemies, and then maybe she’d laugh more...

As if Luke could read his thoughts (a debate Ben had a lot growing up) he asked,  _ “How are you two doing? Ben, Rey? Keeping each other’s spirits up?” _

Ben froze. From the corner of his eye, he saw Rey do the same. Technically, Ben had been hiding, er,  _working_ in his room since he saw her that morning, trying desperately not to think about her abs and his hands anywhere near said abs.

_ “Uh, Ben, Rey? Did your visual connection go down or something?”  _ Rose was waving a hand in front of her camera. Poe and Armitage were snickering as Luke patiently waited. He’d never directly  _ said  _ anything to Poe, about his feelings for Rey...but he  _ had  _ gotten a bit drunk around him a few times. Had he spilled something? Tipped him off? He hoped not. He felt like enough of an idiot discussing it with Tai, the last thing he needed was the advice of Poe Dameron on the subject.

Oh god, had he told _ Rey?  _ Was that why she was being so weird around him? His palms started to itch and the panic began to rise in his chest.

_ “We’re doing fine, Luke,” _ Rey responded, and Ben felt bad for leaving her to fend for herself. He cleared his throat, pushing through the anxiety.

“Yeah, um, mostly just working.”

_ “Oh. Well remember to have fun, too. That goes for all of you!”  _ It was the unspoken signal to start signing off, and Ben was left alone with his thoughts.

Well, not really. Technically the woman his thoughts were most occupied by was sitting on the other side of the wall to his left. But he didn’t really want to dwell on that.

Ben scrubbed a hand across his face and glanced at the calendar; two days down. Normally he’d be happy to have a reason to stay home and hide, a reason  _ besides  _ depression. Now, though?

_ This is gonna suck. _

**Day 3 & 4 & 5-**

On Wednesday, Ben slept in until around three. He’d waited until almost midnight to leave his room the previous night and go make dinner, once he heard Rey go to bed for the night, which meant he hadn’t fallen asleep until five.

And then they just avoided each other for the rest of the day, until Rey shut herself up in the bathroom to take a bath and Ben plopped down in front of the TV to watch Netflix, decidedly  _ not  _ thinking about her all sudsy and...floral smelling. Instead, he kept getting distracted by the half-buried play-station that sat next to the blu-ray player-it was an old model, one Rey had fixed herself- that she told him she and Finn used to play on all the time.

_ “But, he uh, kinda quit because he says I get too competitive,” _

Ben had wanted to tell her he was the exact same way, that he could handle her competitiveness because his was probably worse. He hadn’t, though.

Ben had never played it with her. And it was itching in his brain so much, he eventually had to leave the room and go watch television on his computer.

On Thursday, he ate cereal in the kitchen while Rey puttered around the living room watering her plants, moving the coffee table in circles, fidgeting with the rug and then whittling a stick she seemed to have pulled out of thin air. They had another Skype meeting with the rest of the team, but Ben got off early to chat privately with his mother on the phone. And it was nice, really, just chatting with her like they always did, although a confession weighed heavy at the back of his throat and he sensed that she sensed it.

_ What do I tell Rey?  _ He kept her on the line longer than usual, just hoping he’d get up the courage to ask, but he never did; god knew if he couldn’t even ask for advice about it, he probably didn’t have the strength to bring it up to Rey.

On Friday, Ben knocked on her door to announce he was going to brave the stores. Rey was holding several odd gears in her hand he didn’t comment on-he knew she liked fixing things, she  _ was  _ an engineer-as Rey offered over and over that she could go. Ben refused out of courtesy, and because he had promised to pick up things for his parents. Otherwise, he’d take any excuse to stay home. He always had.

“Really, I’m gonna pick up groceries for mom and dad, too. Just gimme a list of what you need.”

A mischievous smirk crossed her face that nearly knocked Ben off his feet. “You sure you won’t be embarrassed? It’s that time of the month…” she sang. He rolled his eyes.

“You really think my mom would have raised me to be embarrassed about periods, Rey?”

Her laugh was carefree. “Fair enough.”

Ben knew the way Rey ate, although sometimes he wished he didn’t. Her diet wasn’t...unhealthy, persey, but it lacked a lot in variety. Microwavable meals and pasta weren’t very exciting, and as he stared down at her list he must have made some kind of face because she suddenly blurted out, “Is it too much? I can scratch off some of the items you’d have to go to multiple stores for, if you don’t feel like it-”

“Why don’t I cook for both of us?”

She appeared to be very confused, biting her lip as she scratched at her head. It made her green shirt ride up, revealing a tantalizing view of those surprisingly structured abs again. Ben swallowed and forced himself not to look.

“Cook. For both of us. I mean, it’s just microwavable foods don’t sound very...um, radiation, I-” Dear forces of nature why the fuck had he started this? It was like every word was a bit more dirt dug up for his inevitable grave.  _ That’s it, Solo, keep insulting her taste in food.  _ “I’m bored, and I like cooking, so if you wanna...I mean, I can still get all of this, but I’d be happy-unless you don’t like my cooking! Which is fine…” Ben added on. It would be a first for someone to dislike his cooking-his grandma had passed her secrets down to him-but he wouldn’t be offended.

Well. Maybe he’d be a  _ little _ offended. Food was one of the only things he was confident he was good at.

“Baking.” Rey interrupted his ramblings. He blew out a long breath.

“What?”

“I can bake. I don’t know why, um, cooking never came to me, but I can bake.” She blinked very deliberately, looking almost embarrassed. Now  _ he  _ was confused. “I’m saying if I let you cook for me, I should do something for you so buy me ingredients for me to bake something!”

“Oh! Right. Okay, yeah, sure…”

“Okay.”

Shopping ate up more of his day than he expected; first collecting his own groceries (A.K.A, agonizing over the perfect meals to serve Rey) and then his parents and then his uncle Luke’s, when Luke suddenly called asking for tofu, and then somehow Lando and Chewie must have heard because then he was stopping by two more stores for them, leaving the bags on their doorstep like a bitter and confused Santa Claus.

He didn’t get home until around five forty, and he took an extra ten minutes in the parking lot to thoroughly wipe down every item he had bought-that was packaged, at least, he wasn’t doing this to the damn potatoes-with a disinfectant wipe, dedicated in a way only someone with OCD could be. His personal experience with it had normally just manifested in obsessive thinking (which really wasn’t as bad as it sounded) and not compulsions, but in that moment he kept seeing images of Rey getting sick because of something contaminated he brought into the house. And while his therapist would discourage him from following through on a compulsion brought on by obsessive thinking, he felt that in this one instance, it was warranted. He finished cleaning everything, peeled off the gloves he’d worn, and headed up the stairs to their apartment.

Two steps inside, he heard Rey cry out passionately,  _ “Well fuck you with a chainsaw!” _

He almost dropped the eggs he was carrying. “Rey?!” Silence. Eerie, artificial silence, the kind that only happened when you were trying, desperately, to be quiet. “Are you alright?!”

“...yeah!” Ben set everything on the ground and hurried down the hallway to her room, stopping short at the door. Rey was standing, barefoot and in ripped overalls, before an old record player perched on her desk, tools scattered around it like confetti. Behind her, she appeared to have removed every item of clothing she owned from the closet and laid it on the bed. A glass on her nightstand had been tipped over and was slowly dripping water onto the floor, but she didn’t appear to have noticed.

“Um. What happened?”

“Oh, just, you know…” she clapped her hands together. “Trying to find something to occupy my time, that’s all!”

He didn’t want to intrude on her space, so he just gestured to the cup. Her already slightly flushed face heated up even more. “Oh! Shit, right-” she hurried over and collected the glass, tossing a torn up t-shirt on the floor to sop up the water instead of a towel. Ben cringed. 

“Well, um, I was gonna make a stir-fry from canned veggies and then maybe a side of quinoa and grilled chicken, does that sound good?”

Rey’s mouth was hanging open. “Yes. Ye-yes, that’s...yes.”

Ben’s shoulders sagged with relief. Good. He knew Rey loved food. This would be good. “Good. Good. Um. I’ll just…” he gestured over his shoulder and quickly hurried off to the kitchen to get started, face sweaty. God, he was hot. How the hell was he supposed to tell if he had a fever when every interaction with Rey left him all...bothered?

He shook his head and focused on washing the vegetables off, then proceeding to dice them with a bit (actually, a  _ lot)  _ more force than was necessary.

-

Rey seemed willing enough to eat together that night, and Ben thought it would be an opportunity to try to talk, as disastrous as he was at that. He practiced questions in his head while he set the table, and tried to get his breathing under control. Rey’s eyes lit up when he set the plate in front of her, and Ben couldn’t help grinning. They were off to a good start.

But after he had taken about three bites of his food and was just getting up the nerves to ask,  _ how was your day?  _ Rey stood up. Ben looked around.

“Did you need-”

“Well, that was fucking amazing,” she said, sounding somehow angry and sweet at the same time as she took her dish to the kitchen. Her  _ completely empty  _ dish. Ben almost dropped his fork. “Thanks for dinner!”

“Um…you’re welcome?” he watched her continue down the hallway, disappearing into her bedroom. He knew Rey ate fast, had seen her pack away three orders of french fries when they went out with friends...and he had overheard Finn mention something about her childhood in the foster system, so he didn’t fault her for how she ate with such gusto. Actually, Ben loved the way she ate.

_ Yikes, keep that ‘L’ word locked down, Solo. _

He stayed like that, frozen, for a couple more minutes before he pulled out his phone.

  
**Me, 6:42, PM:** Hey Tai do you think you could fit a session in tonight please?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Ben has OCD in this, and while it might not seem like how most people imagine it, OCD can manifest in many ways, and obsessive thinking actually fit really well in my head for the modern adaption of some of Ben's issues. Believe me, I did my research and then some. :)  
> Also, for those that don't know, Tai is a character from The Rise of Kylo Ren comics. With his personality, I felt he was a good fit as Ben's therapist.


	3. Day 8 thru 10

**Day 8**

Rey was pacing, face scrunched in the manner she only ever did when she was truly starting to go feral; it was a good thing Ben was still asleep, so she had the whole apartment to roam around like a caged animal, heartbeat a little faster than it really should have been.

Only eight days in, and she was already going stir-crazy. She’d done the work she needed to already, having gotten up at four since she couldn’t sleep, Ben still padding around in the kitchen, probably making one of his all-famous bowls of late-night cereal. Sometimes Rey wished she had the guts to join him, come eat breakfast with him while he got ready for bed, but she knew better. He didn’t want her company.

After that, she’d tinkered with a few projects, attempted at working out only to end up kicking a dumbbell because there wasn’t enough space, and then kicking said dumbbell again because she was mad. For some reason that didn’t help things.

She had debated doing the most commonly used means of blowing off steam, but her bed was up against the same wall as Ben’s, and with him still in his room, it just seemed like it would be asking for trouble even if she was quiet. Like maybe he’d sense that less than a foot away she was thinking about him without his pants on and trying not to moan.

So. Pacing.

“G’morning,” Ben’s muffled, groggy voice announced from behind her and Rey jumped, spinning around.

He had no right to look so snuggly, so content. His luscious hair was a mess, face soft, and his black pajama pants and lilac t-shirt looked warm and inviting. Rey bit her lip, watching like some kind of scientist studying wildlife as he strolled across the living room and into the kitchen. Or maybe  _ she  _ was the wildlife? Yeah, that was probably more accurate.

“Afternoon, actually,” she corrected and then cringed. Ben stuck his head out the kitchen door with a smile.

“Smartass.” His smile faded the longer he looked at her and Rey shifted uncomfortably. “Hey. You okay?”

“Fine.” She replied, but it was too quick and too sharp and Ben’s brows drew together just a pinch.

“Rey?”

“It’s nothing, alright?”

“Clearly something is bugging you.” He stepped fully into the room, and while it was a decent size, it suddenly felt too small to Rey. “Is it something I did?” His face looked so concerned.

_ Yeah it’s something you did! Stop being so fucking wonderful! _

“Yeah, it is! How the hell can you stand being in here, cooped up with me, huh?” She snapped, hands curling into fists. Ben’s frown only deepened, though not in anger. Still with the concern.

“Rey you...you know I like being around you-”

_ Coulda fooled me. You hate me and it’s all my fault!  _

“Yeah, well, back off, okay?” Her anger popped like a balloon. Like the red balloon she was supposed to picture it inside, and then imagine sailing away. An exercise Maz had given her. An exercise that she’d clearly been neglecting. “I feel stifled in here, and the work I’m doing isn’t fucking helping anyone right now in this bloody mess because no one cares about environmentalism and I feel-” Ben seemed sort of terrified, eyes big and wounded. Rey wanted to scream, reaching up and tugging on her hair, chest tight. “I have nowhere to run to, okay, just like last time, so just back the bloody fuck off and stop...just stop!”

She was practically growling and he didn’t try to stop her when she stormed off to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Well. There. That was done. She’d managed to keep herself calm and pleasant for five months, and now, he had seen. 

Maybe it was a good thing. Just another reason to remind herself why they would be horrible together. 

Still, the look of hurt on his face haunted her as she hid in her room for the rest of the day, jumping every time she heard him pass by her door. He never stopped at it, though. Probably a good thing. And Rey didn’t attempt to apologize; apologies, in her mind, were a pathetic way to appease yourself and not really helpful to the person who had been hurt. If her old guardian, Unkar, had ever apologized for all the shit he put her through, what good would that have done her? No, Rey believed in actions.  _ Doing  _ something to make up for wrongdoings.

Trouble was, she had no fucking idea what she could do.

**Day 9**

She saw that Ben was being careful to give her a wide berth-just as she knew she had asked-but it was grating on her nerves. She didn’t  _ really  _ want him to go away...what she really wanted was him to get closer. A LOT closer. Like, no-space-between-them close. Hands and lips and legs all tangled-

-and that was why she had told him to back off, like the reversed-psychology idiot she was. 

_ Rey. Pull it together. _

They had another online meeting and Ben was silent through most of it. Not unusual for him, but it was the  _ way  _ he was silent, pressing his lips together every so often. (And was it odd she noticed? Probably.) She herself was a bit distracted throughout, trying to think of ways she could calmly apologize for blowing up at him because she was scared and horny.

Rey got so desperate, she eventually texted Poe, asking what kind of stuff Ben liked, to which he replied with a laugh,  _ uh, don’t you know the answer?  _ And she growled and turned her phone to silent because  _ yeah.  _ Yeah, she knew Ben, but she couldn’t do any of the things that made him happy. She couldn’t drive him to his dad’s for a quick flight in his father’s old plane; she couldn’t talk about poetry or calligraphy because she knew absolutely nothing about either; she couldn’t whip him up a gourmet meal.

Though he still did for her. When he knocked at her door around six, she sprang up, all eager to see his face, but instead was greeted by a tray with dinner arranged prettily on it, his bedroom door already shut. One of their shared sticky-notes was stuck to the edge,  _ there’s more in the kitchen if you need it,  _ because of course he knew she always liked seconds. Rey ate in her bed while crying silently, feeling angsty when she realized the dish was too salty because of her tears mixing in. No, she couldn’t go out and  _ do  _ something for him like she’d always tried to do for people before. She had to just...say the right thing. Be the right thing? She didn’t have any experience with that! At one in the morning she texted Maz, and wished she at least had the excuse of alcohol for practically booty-calling her therapist. Maz, big surprise, did not respond in the amount of time Rey was hoping for, so she gave in and texted Finn.

**Me, 1:36, AM:** i fuked up

**Peanut, 1:44, AM:** i’ll bet its not as bad as u think

**Me, 1:44, AM:** nope defntily is

I snapped with him

**1:45, AM:** And im pretty sure i said somthing abut how it was his fault?

Why am i so bad at frndships???

**Peanut, 1:49, AM:** cut urself some slak peanut, u didnt even really have any until u were wut, 19?

And if it makes u feel any better poe had to fight tooth n nail to be in ben’s life. Hes not the king of social interaction either

**Me, 1:52, AM:** i still feel awfl. Hes always nice to me. Even though i make him uncomfortble

**Peanut, 1:54, AM:** so apologize

And im sure u dont make him uncomfortble, he only ever talks to u when we’re out

**Me, 1:55, AM:** u know my rule

**Peanut, 1:55, AM:** just bcause apologies dont do it for u doesnt mean they wont work for him

**1:58, AM:** And remember 2 go easy on urself

Ur a good person rey

**2:11, AM:** ok poe is already asleep so im gonna do the same

U get some rest too

**2:12, AM:** Love you peanut

**2:13, AM:** <3

**Me, 2:50, AM:** Plz dont awknowledge ths in the morning or i’ll get uncomfortable but u know ur the only reason i have any expertise in the whole frndship thing and i hope u know i appreciate tht. I luv u more

**2:51, AM:** <3 :)

**Peanut, 2:52, AM:** NUH-UH YOU DO NOT LOVE ME MORE I LOVE YOU MORE

**Me, 2:53, AM:** WTF I THOUGHT U WERE ASLEEP

**Day 10**

_ Well, at least now I have a distraction from the claustrophobia,  _ Rey thought wryly as she rhythmically drummed her pen on her desk, waiting like a crazy person. Maz wouldn’t have liked her using that word, but if she knew Rey was sitting at her desk, monitoring the hallway for any signs of her roommate...yeah. She might change her tune.

He hadn’t appeared from the depths of his bedroom yet, and while he was known to sleep in, it was highly unusual for him to stay locked up until-Rey glanced at the clock- _ 4:30.  _ He almost always took a shower, or grabbed a snack or  _ something.  _ She’d even left her own door open so she’d be sure to catch him. How was she supposed to apologize if he wasn’t there?

“Bloody hell-” she pushed off from the desk and stood up, pretending she didn’t pause by the mirror to double check her hair- _ I’m in quarantine I should be eating peanut butter out of the jar and wearing sweatpants but oh no _ -before continuing out to the hall and to his door. She raised her hand, taking a deep breath before she knocked.

And that’s when she heard it.

Maybe it was sad, but Rey sort of thought she had become attuned to the sound, after so many years of trying to stifle it herself, knew the exact pitch and could pick it out.

Ben was crying.

Softly, mumbling words under his breath. Rey couldn’t hear what they were, but she assumed he was on the phone.

_ Walk away walk away walk away-  _ it took saying it about twenty times for the message to travel from her brain to her feet, and then she was bolting back to her room, shutting the door and leaning against it heavily as her own eyes started to water. It was narcissistic to assume she was the reason, but she couldn’t help  _ thinking  _ it. She’d made Ben cry. She was just as bad as all those people she’d grown up around and she’d made him cry and-

_ Fuck. Fuck! _

“Rey? You alright?”

Rey blinked and scrambled to stand up, throwing the door back open before she could think.

Ben was standing there, looking concerned. And the concern seemed to blossom into full-blown panic when he took in her face, hands twitching at his sides. In turn, Rey studied him; eyes bloodshot with dark circles underneath-

“I heard you yelling ‘fuck’ and your door slammed and...are you crying?” Yep, he was definitely panicked, she could tell. She was pretty sure if she looked in a mirror she’d see the exact same on her own face. Without even trying, the words tumbled out, no effort necessary.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you the other day but growing up I often had to defend myself and I felt super trapped and so now that manifests itself in a sort of weird claustrophobia and a tendency to get angry as a means of expressing my emotions but my therapist and I are working on it and I try to meditate in the morning and I take homeopathics your uncle gave me but I feel really bad you’re stuck with me like this and I know it’s bothering you because I heard you crying and I didn’t hear anything else so don’t worry but you’re one of the last people I wanna make cry and I don’t want you to stop being my friend because now you know I have some fucking anger management issues!”

Rey expected Ben to need a minute-after all, she’d basically just dumped him with twelve sessions worth of information-and then after taking said minute, to start asking questions. He did neither. Almost immediately, as though he’d been able to process her ridiculous stream of conscious, he took a deep breath and whispered,

“Why would you think that?”

She blinked slowly in confusion. Her eyelashes stuck together from the tears and she scrubbed at them. “Think what?”

“That I’d stop being friends with you because of that?”

“I…” she didn’t really have an answer, so she just shrugged. Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair, one of his many tics she found so endearing.

“Rey, I have OCD. Maybe Poe already told you-”

“No, he didn’t, really,” she hurried to assure him. He shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t understand as a kid, and the only way I could stop from doing all my compulsive habits was to wreck stuff. I was kinda of a punk, honestly,” his chuckle was nervous. “So I won’t say I understand, but I’m not gonna judge you for your anger.” He peered at her and bit his lip, which Rey felt was really unfair. Drawing attention to his lips like that. “Did you really not hear anything I said? ‘Cause I was on the phone with my therapist and-”

“No, fuck, no, Ben, I just heard you crying and I felt so awful that I’d upset you-”

“I wasn’t crying because you upset me. I cry easy, that's all.”

She really,  _ really  _ wanted to ask him why he  _ was  _ crying, but she didn’t. He wasn’t pressing her for details on everything she had just spilled, and she wouldn’t either. 

“Are...are you okay?” She asked instead. His smile was soft in return.

“I think we need to come up with a ritual.” He said, obviously side-stepping the question. Rey blinked.

“A ritual?” He nodded. Rey threw her head in the direction of her altar. “That kind of ritual?”

Ben laughed. It was a relief to hear it again and some of the tension in her chest dissipated.

“No. To help us keep from going crazy, being cooped up here and everything. I’m good at being stuck in one place, did it a lot as a teen. I could make a list of activities. I'm good at lists.”

Thankfully Rey was too distracted by the fact that he would do that for her to really have to stave off the desire to laugh at the way Ben Solo said, ‘activities’, like he was some kind of preschool teacher. “Like what?”

“We should, um, hang out more, maybe?” He brushed his hair back. “I know we’ve sort of been keeping to ourselves, but isolation can really...at least we’re roommates, y’know, we have each other,”

He looked so uncomfortable.  _ Is the idea of spending time with me really so repulsive?  _

“Unless you don’t want to, of course!” He quickly added on, and Rey choked a bit. He thought  _ she  _ didn’t want to be around  _ him?  _ "I know I can be a lot, and I'm sorry if I-"

“No, Ben, that...that sounds nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah." He looked so scared she just went ahead and said it. "I like...I like being around you. I told you I’m sorry about what I said yesterday, I didn’t mean it.”

His smile was wide and bright and Rey almost fell over. “Great. Okay. Yeah.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and some of the awkwardness that always seemed to linger around them returned. “I’ll go get started on dinner.”

“Right, um, thanks for...that.”

She wanted to hug him-Rey was big on touch, despite hardly ever having it in her life-and she thought she saw Ben’s fingers twitch, like maybe he wanted to touch her too.

Neither of them did.  _ Social distancing and all that,  _ Rey thought with a wry sigh as Ben disappeared down the hallway.

-

“You sure you don’t want-”

“Ben, I said, you made dinner so you get to pick the first level, now just pick!”

“Okay. Rainbow Road.”

“For fucksake are you a masochist?”

Ben’s laugh was loud as Rey scowled, nevertheless clicking on the level and beginning the game.

It had been one of his new activity ideas, for them to play  _ Mario Kart _ after dinner. A dinner that Rey had wolfed down, all while moaning, in about five seconds flat and then licked her plate, only to blush at Ben’s bewildered expression.

_ “I really like food.” _

_ “I know you do. That’s why I love making it for you,” _

Those words had made Rey’s stomach do more flips than her poor car was currently doing in the videogame.

“Damn bananas,” she muttered as Ben chuckled again.

It was surprising to Rey, how easy it was to be around Ben now that she was letting herself. Conversation during dinner had been pleasant, no awkward pauses as they hashed out movies or shows they should catch up on while they had the chance, or traded ideas about work. And sitting shoulder to shoulder while they hammered away at the poor controls...yeah, that was easy, too. Ben cursed at the screen the same amount Rey did which delighted her; Finn used to get terrified when they played together.

“He says I take it too seriously.”

“You should,” Ben replied, eyes lit up with an odd haze as he kept on staring at the screen, leaning his body into hers just a bit as he took a corner. Rey let herself laugh.

“You know you don’t have to physically move to make the character move, right?”

“Do  _ you  _ know scrunching your face up doesn’t help, either?” He shot back, finishing it off with a grin and a wink.

It took Rey a few seconds to recuperate from that, which was just enough time for Ben to win.

“Hah!”

“Fuck you, I want a rematch!”

“Oh, fair enough, sweetheart.” He replied breezily. “We’ve got time.”

“Yeah.” She swallowed thickly and pried her gaze away from him, trying not to dwell too much on the way his voice sounded saying _'sweeheart'_. “I guess we do.”

_He just feels sorry for you, he's trying to help because he's a good person, don't read into it and ruin everything, it's nothing,_ you're _nothing..._

Except the way he smiled at her when she won the rematch really, _really_ felt like something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before and I'll say it again; Rey has nearly as many anger-issues as Kylo does in the films, she just deals with them better. Once Kylo becomes Ben again, though, he's not really that aggressive except in defending Rey and it's all very...controlled? So yeah, my headcanon of tired, emotional Ben Solo and angry goblin Rey is probably going to appear in most of my stuff hahaha.
> 
> And don't worry, we'll dive a little deeper into their feels in the chapters coming up.


	4. Day 11 thru 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a weird note to make but...spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War? Ben and Rey watch it, so I just wanted to warn anybody who hasn't seen it yet XD

**Day 11 & 12 & 13 & 14**

Charles Dickens once wrote,  _ it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,  _ and Ben was really feeling that.

In many ways, getting to spend time with Rey was amazing. But in other ways, it was also absolute hell. Knowing she was stressed and that he needed to fix that helped give him enough focus to avoid his own feelings for the most part, but even he had his limits.

The first day after they agreed to spend time together, Ben assisted Rey in making pies. She laughed and sang along to rap music and Ben just about passed out when she threw flour at him, her fingers just barely touching his hair. After that they played more videogames and Rey didn’t even judge him when he yelled at Mario to go fuck himself. There was some awkwardness in the lulls, but Ben was careful to make sure there barely  _ were  _ any lulls, and it was enough just to see Rey laugh and smile again. Thinking of how stressed she was, how she’d been keeping it all to herself, how she thought  _ she  _ had made him  _ cry… _

_ Well, technically she did.  _ Except how could he tell her he had been crying to Tai over the fact that he was so deeply in love with her and being around her and knowing he could never actually have her was pure agony? Yeah, no, he had a therapist for a reason. If logic didn’t keep him from blurting it out, his social anxiety would finally serve him well and keep all of those emotions under lock and key.

The second day was less awkward, once they each had their coffee and tea and settled down to see how long they could play Monopoly before someone finally won-or someone more likely died. Four hours it turned out, in which time Ben learned more British curse words than he had on his entire month long trip to England with Armitage, before flipping the board over himself and then scrambling to find all the pieces while apologizing as Rey cackled, his fear that  _ oh god, I messed it up, I made a mess, she hates me,  _ subsiding at her laughter.

The third day, they’d probably damaged their eyes by watching all three extended editions of  _ Lord of the Rings  _ in one go. In between it all, Rey showed him the little projects she worked on; she was always busy with some gadget clutched in her grease-stained hands, and whenever Ben asked she was like a child, giddy and excited to show off her new toy. 

On day fourteen, they took turns reading to each other from an old Nancy Drew book Rey had carried around with her since childhood.

_ “These books are so stupid and over dramatic,”  _ she had said with a wistful laugh.  _ “But they got me through some tough times.” _

Ben, without thinking, had placed his hand on hers.  _ “Then they aren’t stupid at all.” _

Rey’s eyes had been like a deer in headlights, and Ben had retracted his hand and promptly berated himself all throughout cooking dinner.

**Day 15**

_ I’m grateful we’re safe. _

_ I’m grateful we’re healthy. _

_ I’m grateful Rey is in my life, as a friend, because friends are important and romantic relationships aren’t the end all be all of life anyway, even if they are really nice for some people and even if I am one of those people who just wants to fucking be married already goddammit- _

Ben opened his eyes and stared across the six feet of space between him and Rey; meditating together had been her idea, after he confessed he attempted to do it at night but always ended up getting distracted. Rey, for all of her claims about how bad she was at it, was surprisingly good; she had been still and silent as a statue for the past twenty minutes.

Or at least, he assumed she was. Except when he opened his eyes, he could have sworn he saw her quickly close hers.

Probably just his imagination.

She was wearing all white that day; white tank, white yoga pants. She sort of looked ethereal, with the afternoon sun creeping in behind her and highlighting the loose wisps of her hair, face peaceful. He wondered if this was what she looked like when she slept, the tension gone from her shoulders and the fear gone from her eyes. He wished she could always feel that way, wished he could make her feel safe somehow. Her eyes twitched beneath her eyelids. 

He wondered if she would look this peaceful asleep in  _ his  _ bed-

_ Okay, creeper alert.  _ Ben shut his eyes again and tried to focus, but the image he was seeing in his mindseye was highly inappropriate. He nearly groaned, reaching up to scrub at his eyes.

“You’re awfully bad at this considering you grew up around Luke,” he heard Rey’s gentle, amused voice say. He chuckled nervously.

“Maybe that’s why.”

“Mm.”

He rolled his shoulders and tried to breathe deeply. It didn’t help. His heart kept on racing.

“Ben?” Rey asked after a few moments. Fuck, why did his name have to sound so pretty when she said it? He bit down on his tongue.

“Mm-hm?”

“Can I ask you a question?” He opened his eyes again. She was biting her lip. Damn, she had amazing lips. 

“Not like we have much else to do,” he joked. She looked away and his heart switched it up from two hundred beats per minute to about a million.  _ Oh god, she’s gonna ask why I’m such a freak. She’s gonna ask me to move out. She’s gonna ask- _

“Why did you ever work for Snoke?”

It wasn’t the question he had expected. He blinked slowly and debated lying or brushing the question off-Rey wouldn’t pester him if he made it clear he didn’t want to answer-but in the end he just went for the simple, pathetic truth.

“I didn’t really think anyone liked me growing up, and I thought it was in part because my family casts such a long shadow.” He shrugged. “Snoke was the first person to-” he made air quotes, “-‘see my potential’, you know?  _ My  _ talent, not just my family name. Anyway, I was gullible and naive and I think I mostly just wanted a friend.”

There. It had taken almost fifteen therapy sessions to figure that out, but laying it before Rey, it seemed so simple. She didn’t seem judgemental at all, though he felt she had every reason to be; she truly was a goddess in that moment, and he the simple mortal praying for...something. He wasn’t entirely sure what.

“Weren’t you and Poe friends?”

Ben couldn’t help his scoff. “Poe was going through some shit at the time, too. Most often we just ended up encouraging each other’s bad habits. But Poe snapped out of it faster than I did, I’ll give him that,” He cringed inwardly as he thought of Poe, doing drugs in the back room of parties while Ben got in fights in the front room of parties. And then he cringed again when he realized maybe Poe would have preferred he keep that information under his hat. (Despite the fact that Poe was always more than ready to spill Ben’s secrets.)  _ Oh fuck I’ve said too much, just shut up, Ben, christ Rey doesn’t need- _

Rey’s laugh was full of venom and cut through his thoughts like a hot knife in butter. Or a hot knife in anything, really, apparently hot knives could really cut shit up. “I certainly can’t judge bad habits,”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh.” Rey frowned. “I sort of figured Poe told you...I, um, I…” she bit her lip again and dragged her knees up to her chest. “I used to hot-wire cars, steal stuff from stores, get in fights...that sort of thing.”

“Oh.” Ben nodded slowly, easing his legs out from where he had them crossed, only to quickly retract them when he almost brushed her foot. “Oh, I didn’t know,”

“Yeah.”

He squeezed his hands into fists reflexively a few times, as if he could work out what to say by a physical act. Well, no that was exactly what he was doing;  _ no, what would Tai say?  _ His heart raced a bit. 

“But you...you grew up without anything. You stole to survive. I just got in trouble trying to escape my own head.”  _ Genius move, Solo. Distract her with how much of a mess  _ you  _ are. _ Ben rolled his eyes and looked away to gaze at their plants, his hands absently pushing his hair back in that way he always did when he was nervous. 

“Why didn’t you ask for help?” Rey asked.

“Huh?” He couldn’t help dragging his gaze back to her.

“If you were having such a hard time growing up. Why didn’t you ask for help?”

He bit his lip. “Why didn’t  _ you? _ ” 

He watched her process that for a moment.

“I didn’t have anyone to ask.”

“I didn’t think I did either. Stupid, I know, but true. I’m not good at…” he sighed and gestured. “This.”

Rey looked confused. “You’re better at it than I am,”

Ben couldn’t hold back his chuckle of disbelief. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m the one who yelled at you,”

“Because I was being  _ annoying,  _ I get it,”

“I told you that’s not it, I was snappish for no reason, it wasn’t your fault, alright?” She snapped, and then she sighed and shook her head as Ben bit his lip.  _ Way to go, you annoyed her again.  _ “I’m sorry,” she whispered, as if any of it was her fault.

“No, it’s okay-”

“All I was trying to say was...you can’t be that bad at  _ this,  _ you’re always nice to me despite…” she trailed off and looked away. Ben was too distracted by his own utter befuddlement to pay too much attention.

“It’s not the same, Rey,”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s you.” He blurted out, blood running cold as she blinked at him. Her pretty hazel eyes were wide. He was frozen with his mouth half open.

“Why…why would it be different because it’s me?”

Ben swallowed. “Um. Because…” he squeezed his hands into fists against the rug, sweat beading on the back of his neck for reasons that had nothing to do with the sun now slanting into the apartment. “Because...because you’re my roommate. And we live together, and, y’know, you’re nice.”

He felt like such an idiot. He doubted she would believe him and was positive she would finally confront his highly inappropriate crush and tell him to get out, virus or no virus. But no. Instead she just seemed to deflate a little with each word he spoke, and then she shrugged.

“Oh. Right. Well, I um, think you’re nice too. Sorry.”

He didn’t get a chance to ask her what she was sorry about, because she stood and collected her yoga mat, heading for her bedroom.

“Hey, wait, isn’t the next thing on the list trying our hand at Jenga?” He wanted to throw himself at the wall.  _ What are you, five? Whining at her not to leave so you can play together? _

Rey turned slowly, and for some reason the smile on her face hurt him. It wasn’t the genuine smile he’d been starting to see snippets of over the previous four days; it wasn’t even the sort of uncomfortable smile she’d been giving him since he moved in; no, this one was a mask, a smile like armor and he felt sure he’d failed to pass some test, although what test he had no idea.

“Sure. I’ll be curious to see if you can successfully navigate a game like that, ya giant,” and then she left with a laugh.

Ben didn’t laugh. Instead he tried desperately to even out his breathing while obsessively picking at a piece of wax on the coffee-table.

-

Jenga did not last long. Afterwards, Ben debated bringing up the weirdness of the afternoon but didn’t get a chance to before Rey started  _ Avengers: Infinity War _ -it was on the list they’d made of movies they needed to see-and the noise made conversation near impossible.

Rey sat curled up in a tight ball on one side of the sofa, and Ben sat curled up in an even tighter ball- _ not that it was a contest, _ as Tai would say-on the other end, trying not to jiggle his leg or play with his hair too much. As if then Rey would  _ know  _ he was nervous. As if she paid enough attention to him to even care.

About when Gamora was getting tossed off the cliff, Ben began to think it might have been the wrong choice of movie. His eyes were watering, he was already on the verge of a mental breakdown...and then when the ending hit, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it in much longer. The tears started rolling down his face and he stood up.

“Hey, um, I’m gonna start on dinner-”

“Oh.” Her voice sounded weird. He glanced over and saw her eyes were red. “Sure, um, yeah, I’ll just...get the next one queued up, shall I? Wouldn’t wanna end on that, eh-” She laughed and reached for the remote, and the combination of his own tears, Rey’s tears, and half of everyone dying in the movie pushed Ben over the edge.

“Did I do something this morning?”

Rey stared at him. “What?”

“Well, okay, I guess it was this afternoon…” he clarified and then shook his head because now was not the time for OCD tics about being absolutely accurate, “but I’m freaking out I said the wrong thing and I’m sorry if I wasn’t compassionate enough about your past because it sucks and I’m mad for you everyday you grew up in those kinds of circumstances but it seemed like things were getting easier between us and now they don’t again,” he cried, slamming back down onto the couch beside her. Rey gaped at him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong-”

“Because you know if I could...if I could be a better person in my past I would, right? And if I could have helped you...you didn’t deserve to grow up with that shit.”

Her eyes were getting redder. She shrugged and looked away. “That shit happened. I’m not upset about it anymore. I have my issues, it’s whatever,”

“It’s not whatever, and something is bothering you.”

“You aren’t my shrink.” She snapped, some of that anger he had begun to see simmering. Ben ignored it.

“No, I’m not, I’m your friend.”

She scoffed. “Really? Now we’re friends? Sure, Ben, we’re friends, we’ve barely interacted until this week and now we’re friends.”

She kept saying ‘friend’ like it was a curse word. Ben scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I thought you didn’t want to be around me before,”

“I was trying...I...I couldn’t!” Rey hollered, throwing her hands in the air.

“Why?”

“You know why!”

Ben clutched the cushions beneath him so hard he thought they’d puncture. She was going to say it.  _ She knows I love her and she’s finally going to admit it-  _ He grit his teeth. “Say it.”

But Rey never did say it. As a matter of fact, she didn’t say  _ anything.  _ Instead she shot forward, hands surprisingly gentle as they carded through his hair and hauled him close, her thigh pressed up against his and her lips pressed up against-

_ Holy fuck.  _ Ben’s entire brain simultaneously fell into place and exploded; like he’d found the missing piece of the puzzle, but then someone blew up the puzzle. She tasted sort of minty. Did she wear mint chapstick, or had she just brushed her teeth or something? Should he have brushed  _ his?  _ Before he could go down an obsessive rabbit hole though, Rey’s nails dragged across his scalp, thoroughly distracting him as he moaned into her mouth. His hands flew to her waist and hauled her closer and she whimpered. He decided right then and there it was his favorite sound.

_ I’m kissing Rey. I’m kissing Rey. I’m kissing Rey.  _ It was magical and amazing and he never wanted it to end.

Which, in Ben’s experience, meant it absolutely  _ had  _ to. A loud noise from the TV made them both jump, and upon actually holding eye-contact and realizing that Rey had her hands inside his shirt and Ben had one of his thighs nestled between her legs, both of them jumped even  _ further  _ apart. He glanced at the television, trembling a little, and saw that Netflix had oh-so-helpfully decided to start playing the next movie for them, hence the loud noise. He glared at it.

“I-” Rey stuttered beside him and he swiveled his head around to her so fast he was pretty sure he strained something. Her lips were swollen and she was biting on one. Seeing that didn’t help Ben’s slowly developing situation down south. 

“Yes?” He whispered, swallowing hard. Rey buried her face in her hands.

“I shouldn’t have done that, that wasn’t fair, I’m so sorry Ben I just thought-”

_ Of course, you fucking idiot,  _ Ben slowly realized. Of course she knew about his crush, but instead of just calling him out on it, sweet, transcendent Rey had tried to make him feel better. Maybe she was trying to say goodbye, a souvenir of a kiss, or maybe it was just...just a kiss of gratitude, for cooking her dinner? A kiss to help him get over her?  _ Well, if that was it, it did not fucking work.  _ After experiencing kissing Rey, he wanted to kiss her everyday-well he had wanted to do that before he kissed her too, but now it was worse-do everything in his power to get her to make that little noise she had when his thigh slid between her’s-

_ Fuck. No. Stop.  _ He was sure his ears were bright red as his entire existence fell apart. He had to move out. He had to change his name, possibly. Maybe go to another country. Except, no, he couldn’t do any of those things because COVID-19 had fucking shut down the world and now there was no escape-

“Ben?” Rey whispered.

“Hm?” Ben couldn’t look at her.

“Would you please fucking say something?” Her voice was shaky. Probably because she felt bad that she couldn’t feel the same way about him that he did about her, because Rey was perfect and always took the blame for everything, even when it wasn’t her fault. Which wasn’t to say Ben couldn’t see her flaws, of course, no, he loved those, the way she was so stubborn and the way she made, rash decisions...but maybe he could be there for her so she could make as many rash decisions as she wanted and he could catch her if they didn’t work out…

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, standing up from the couch and then freezing when he realized Rey still hadn’t eaten. He couldn’t exactly leave her to starve just because he desperately wanted to go cry. “Um, food, I’ll just…”

“No.” Rey stood up too. “No, please don’t, I, um-” Ben finally met her gaze and she quickly looked away. Her face looked red. “I’m not very hungry anymore.”

Ben pressed his lips together and held in the tears.  _ Now she doesn’t even want my cooking.  _ For some reason, that was truly the cherry on the shit-sundae the day had turned out to be.

“Then I think I’ll go to bed then.” He said, a little too fast, a little too out of breath. Rey glanced at the TV.

“You sure you wanna end it on everyone being dead?” She forced a chuckle that quickly died in the space between them, and before Ben could respond she went ahead and switched off the TV. He spun around and moved to his room in a daze; Rey had stormed off a lot in the past week, he couldn’t watch her do it again.  _ He’d  _ screwed up,  _ he’d  _ be the one to go hide. Once in the safety of his own space, he looked at the calendar.

Five days. They’d managed five days of getting along before he ruined everything. And who fucking knew how many more days they would be stuck together for? Hosnian City was remaining under lockdown for at  _ least  _ another twenty, maybe more. 

Ben groaned and buried his head in his pillow. If only he hadn’t kissed her... _ well, no,  _ she _ kissed me _ _ technically... _ it didn’t matter in the end. Despite what a disaster things were again, he couldn’t really regret getting to kiss Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to end on such an angst-filled note, but I promise, the next chapter is pretty much pure fluff. Also I may have upped the chapter count just a smidge...


	5. Day 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being two-thousand words longer than all the others, and the next one is gonna be longer as well, but I figured none of y'all would mind since most of it is just pure, organic, Rey&Ben fluff with some feels thrown in for good measure.

**Day 16**

Over the previous several days, Rey had been having trouble sleeping for several reasons; one, the virus was ever-looming and ever-stressful and if she so much as looked at the news and saw the way it was being handled, she wound up with a head full of worries that made it difficult to drift off. Two, there was Ben, being in close quarters with him, sharing space with him, and knowing she couldn’t have him. She’d loved getting to spend time with him, and she’d about passed out every time he laughed and joked around having never felt like she got to see that side of him, he was always so tense around her…

But the previous night, she had really outdone herself on reasons to lose sleep. If she had thought the pain of not being able to have him was bad, the pain of _briefly_ having him was even worse.

 _Why. Why would you kiss him? Do you_ enjoy _being rejected?_ Her upbringing hadn’t made it easy to trust people, and she thought her defensive nature would have protected her from literally throwing herself on him, but no.

No, it had not.

She groaned into her pillow and glanced at her phone. **4:30** . Technically she could just get up now and go exercise, but she was too scared of running into Ben. She kinda had to pee too, but she’d sooner pee into a cup in her room than risk seeing him in the hallway. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, pressing the palms of her hands into her eyes. It was reminiscent of that first morning of self-isolation, except back then-back then being only sixteen days ago, which boggled her mind-she’d been reminding herself of all the reasons why she _couldn’t_ kiss Ben Solo, and this morning, she was berating herself for all the reasons why she _shouldn’t_ have. The reasons were all still sound, but that hadn’t stopped her last night, had it? She glanced at the clock again. **4:33**. They had another conference call that day. Rey felt her cheeks heat up at the thought of having to face Leia and she groaned yet again.

Because by kissing him not only had she upset their rhythm as roommates, but now she had to go on a conference call with his freaking _mom_ who was also her _boss, his_ _uncle_ who was also her _co-worker..._ and oh god, would Poe be able to tell? Poe could always tell. He would just sense that their lips had been on top of each other.

 _Oh god, his_ _lips._ Rey closed her eyes and let herself remember what they felt like, the way he had moaned into her mouth, the sensation of his arms around her...for a moment there, she had wondered if he felt it too.

But that was impossible. The look on his face when they pulled apart told her everything, the horror written there plainly. Maybe he had found her attractive, or maybe he was just pent up from being stuck in the apartment, but there was no way he felt the same way she did. Hot, angry tears rolled down her cheeks and into her ears. She wanted to talk to somebody, but she sure as hell didn’t want to tell Finn, and even telling Maz scared her.

 _Fuck, you know you’ve fucked up when you’re scared to tell your therapist something. I threw myself on him, I literally_ threw _myself on him…_

The trouble was, she realized, she _wanted_ to talk to _Ben_ about it. He was understanding, and nonjudgmental...and over the last five days being around him had felt so natural and good. Like if she told him all her fears, he would kiss her on the head and wrap her up in his arms and promise to protect her. Rey had never wanted that-she grew up taking care of herself, thank you-but it didn’t seem like such a demeaning idea with him. Maybe because she knew he had his own fears. Knew he understood what it was like to live each day with a brain that was constantly fighting against you.

At least, he _used_ to understand. Today, well, he might be disgusted with her.

Rey sat up in bed and looked around, trying to think. She knew what Finn would say; _take care of yourself, if he doesn’t want you that’s his problem, you didn’t do anything wrong..._ of course, Finn in this scenario clearly didn’t realize she’d been the one to harass him with her hands in his shirt and _oh god she put her hands in his shirt…_

She knew what Maz would say, too; _talk it out. Communication is key, and learning to express yourself in a healthy manner instead of just getting angry is big for you, Rey._

Yeah, Rey wasn’t going to do either of those things. She was going to hide in her room until the conference call at seven, and during it she would make some excuse, duck out, write a post-it that said ‘please let’s just forget it’ and tape that to his door. Ben would probably be just as eager to put it all behind them, right?

It would be fine. There was only an indefinite amount of time they would continue to be stuck together. Yeah. It was fine. But Rey cried one more time for good measure. Just in case it wasn’t.

-

_The universe hates me._ That was truly the only explanation, Luke’s assurances that the universe was an all-loving thing be damned. _Is this karma? This feels like karma,_

Something was going on with Ben’s computer, and he couldn’t seem to connect to the call. It was a bit pathetic, that on a call consisting of four engineers and several other off-shoots of the title, they couldn’t put all their brains together to form one single solution besides the one Armitage had just so helpfully suggested;

_“Just go join Rey on her computer, Ben, and let’s get on with it,”_

They both froze. Or rather, Rey froze. She couldn’t even _see_ Ben, his screen having cut out, and she cursed it because now she had no way of knowing how he felt.

_Disturbed, probably. Deeply disturbed by the idea of having to sit next to you after you mauled him._

_“I can figure it out.”_ Ben’s voice crackled and Rey hid a grimace.

 _“Ohmygod, at least let Rey look at it, she’s the engineer!”_ Rose cried. 

_“It’s obviously just some kinda positive feedback loop or something,”_ Jannah supplied. Rey glanced at the small faces of Finn and Poe, both of whom were uncharacteristically quiet. Finn, especially, was staring rather intently at her. She shifted uneasily. She didn’t want Ben in her room...but she also didn’t want to go fix his stupid computer. Both options required being within six feet of him, and she really didn’t wanna do that; and not for any COVID-19 safety reasons.

 _“We really don’t have time for this.”_ The imposing voice of Leia Organa herself cut in. Rey could hardly look at her. _I dry-humped your son’s thigh last night. I’m very sorry, please love me._

Luke’s laugh was a harsh contrast as he chuckled. _“Leia, we definitely have time for this, we have nowhere else to go!”_ Leave it to Luke to make a joke about a fucking pandemic. He probably still felt a little smug, considering he’d been predicting it for years and had his own fucking farm to retreat to. (Well, no, _smug_ was the wrong word. _Pissed off_ was better fitting, considering, in Luke’s opinion, everyone in charge was inept and he just wanted to help.)

 _“Nevermind that. Ben, go join Rey. If that’s alright of course, Rey?”_ Leia added. All eyes slowly snapped to her. Rey swallowed. She could have sworn her mouth still tasted of him.

“Of course!”

_“Good.”_

Leia began shuffling through some papers while speaking mostly to Holdo and Ackbar. Rey waited with a growing sense of dread as she listened to a creaking noise and then a heavy, almost resigned knock on her door. “Come in,”

Ben entered with a chair in his arms, careful to step around where’d she’d shucked off her clothes the previous night-before falling into bed and practically crying out of pure, sexual frustration-and settling down an inch or so away from her. He didn’t look her in the eye, but she looked at his; they had purple bags under them. Rey was sure she looked no better.

 _“We can’t see you, Solo, squish in!”_ Poe finally called. Rose giggled.

_“God, now they’re just like Finn and Poe,”_

Rey felt Ben stiffen beside her while meanwhile Finn and Poe high-fived and Leia formally called the meeting to order.

He did it again-freeze, that is-when she brushed his arm to snag a new design she had drawn up. And she almost fell off her chair trying to move out of his way when he reached up to comb his hands through his hair as he presented his ideas for some of the charities to donate to. Rey had noticed how he did that when he was nervous but also trying to hide his passion about something.

He’d done it last night. She squeezed her eyes (and her legs) together tightly and took a few calming breaths.

The meeting ended as they always did, with Leia and the other higher-ups signing off first. Rey knew that everyone else would be eager to gossip and chat, and wondered if maybe that could serve as a segway out of the awkward situation she was now in with Ben; maybe he could just...go back to his room, while she still had witnesses there on the screen? Except when she saw Ben’s face-tired, hair frazzled-she knew for once in her goddamn life she couldn’t run away.

 _“Peanut? I asked if you got a chance to watch-”_ Finn began, and Rey pasted on her megawatt smile and spun towards her best friend.

“Actually, I just thought up a great way to fix that snag with the AT-AT unit, you mind if I FaceTime you later?”

She heard Ben draw in a sharp breath beside her and she shifted uneasily. Finn nodded slowly, eyes darting between her and Ben because _of course_ her best friend would sense something was up, but luckily he was too good of a friend to call her on her bullshit.

_“Sure. Talk to you two later,”_

_“Don’t kill each other.”_ Armitage helpfully added. She saw Rose scrunch up her nose.

_“Why would they kill each other?”_

_“Haven’t you seen_ The Shining? _”_ And with that lovely sentiment, Rey logged off.

The silence was staggering. It was interesting to Rey, from a scientific standpoint, how they said that matter would always try to fill in a void if there was one...except, it seemed, when things were awkward. Then again, maybe that was the nature of it; silence rushed to fill the void of awkwardness.

 _What was I thinking?_ Rey wondered to herself. She knew she needed to make this right, but when she’d logged out she hadn’t really had a game plan. And Ben was just...a statue beside her. (A freaking gorgeous one, with tousled hair and downright perfect sweatpants that should have been considered indecent with the way they showed-)

“Rey.” Her mind retreated from the gutter, gaze snapping to Ben in surprise. His face was a little red. She bit her lip. “Rey, I’m sorry-”

That kicked something in her brain back into place and she quickly started rambling. “God, no, Ben, _I’m_ sorry, I should never have done that but I just-”

“Please.” Ben held up a hand. “Let me?”

She didn’t want to, but she figured she owed him that much. She nodded and he seemed both relieved and terrified. What on earth could he have to be terrified of? _Oh god...he wants to leave. He’s going to leave. Everyone always leaves. NO, he CAN’T leave, what is-_

Ben cleared his throat. “I know...I know I should have said something sooner instead of just...dancing around it. Pretending, like I was. It was inconsiderate of me, and I didn’t realize how uncomfortable it must be making you, but you didn’t have to…” he scrubbed a hand through his hair. Rey was at a loss. “Of course the kiss was...dammit, I just...I’m so sorry, I know me having these feelings for you must be uncomfortable-” Rey’s eyes zeroed in on him. She wasn’t blinking as he looked everywhere but at her. _Feelings?_ “-and if you want a new roommate when this is all over, one who doesn’t, y’know, stick his fucking tongue down your throat, I will leave, I promise, and I know I’m a mess to be around I just...I just think...we’re stuck in here and I think we need to _deal_ with it.”

He breathed out heavily. Rey swallowed.

“Feelings?”

She saw him cringe. “Yeah. Of course.”

She had to swallow a couple of times to be able to speak. “You...your feelings for me. They’re...romantic? Sexual?” He didn’t seem to see that as a question, just cringing again. Some things started to click into place in Rey’s head and she felt, just a bit, like an idiot. Maybe...maybe someone letting you grind on their thigh _wasn’t_ just them trying to let you down gently? But then, because she was Rey, she felt a little anger. “Why didn’t you _say_ something?”

And, because he was Ben and she was quickly learning _this was Ben,_ he got emotional, hands fisting against his pants and eyes looking a little misty as he kept avoiding her face. “Fuck, Rey, because...because you’re _you,_ and I’m a mess of a human who barely just got his life back together, and you’re this amazing, beautiful, _funny_ and...and smart, _so fucking smart,_ woman and I-”

She couldn’t listen anymore. All the words came tumbling out, fears from nearly every therapy session and late-night crying jag she didn’t want to admit to. “Yeah, and _you’re_ the caring, super hot dude who simultaneously knows when to take care of me and when to leave me alone, who never judged anyone _because_ of his mistakes instead of just being bitter, who cares more about helping charities than he does about helping himself, and you’re wrong, because I’m…” she didn’t realize she was crying. Lord, Maz would be so proud, just look at her expressing her feelings. Ben seemed terrified, gazing at her like a deer in fast approaching headlights. She hiccuped and pressed a hand to her nose to keep it from running and making her look even more of a wreck. “And I’m just some nobody whose parents died and then ended up with a shitty foster dad, and then learned she had a grandpa who...who _left_ her in foster care because he didn’t want her and why would someone like you ever want me, I mean why-”

“No, no, Rey, of course I want you, none of those things are true, Rey, I meant what I said. You’re amazing, and anyone who wouldn’t want you is a fucking idiot, if you were mine I’d-” his hands came up to cup her face and she nearly nuzzled into his palm, silently begging him to finish that sentence, but just as fast he pulled away, looking chastened. “But that isn’t the point. I understand you don’t feel the same way-”

“Ben, you bloody idiot!” She nearly screamed and he jumped a little. “I _do_ feel the same way! I’ve been so obviously pining after you for months, I thought you knew and you were avoiding me because _you_ didn’t feel the same way!”

“I thought…” he appeared to be short-circuiting. “but...I thought you avoided me because...I thought _I_ was obvious...wait, you...you like me, Rey? You like _me_?”

Rey let out a crazed laugh. “I’m crazy about you, Ben. _I_ was the one that kissed you last night, remember? Didn’t that give you a clue?” Ben shook his head slowly.

“I thought it was, I dunno, a gratitude kiss?”

She stared at him. “A gratitude kiss.” He nodded. “What even is that?”

“I’m...not sure.” A new gleam came over his eyes, the glazed look that had been parts terror and bafflement fading away to reveal a look she’d never seen Ben Solo give her. It was hard to explain, but it reminded her of the way he looked right after he’d won Mario Karts, as stupid as that was to say; pride, satisfaction...but there was something else entirely new, too. “Maybe it would go something like this.”

His arms snaked out, and before she could think, he had fucking _lifted her into his lap,_ without even straining a muscle. She settled against him firmly, relishing in the feeling of his broad chest pressed up against her. He smiled up at her and said, very primly, “Rey. Thank you for telling me you like me.” And then he leaned in and Rey nearly sighed with relief.

His lips were just as warm as she remembered, but this time she truly got to savor it without fear of ruining everything. She wrapped her arms around his neck, caressed his tongue with her own and when he moaned she moaned right back, greedily lapping up whatever he was willing to give her; and he seemed willing to give her just about everything. His hands were gentle, cradling her head to tilt her this way and that, and Rey let him, unintentionally grinding down and then doing it again _very_ intentionally when it made him whimper. The chair creaked and the ground moved, but Rey didn’t pay it any mind until her back hit her mattress and his warm lips left her. She opened her eyes and found him staring down at her nervously.

“This okay?” He asked, eyes big. She yanked him to her so hard he ended up crushing her a bit, but Rey loved it, sucking on his earlobe as he ran his hands up and down her sides, gently palming her breasts until she keened.

 _Ben Solo likes me._ She finally allowed herself to think, fighting her smile only so she could keep kissing him as deeply as she wanted, practically devouring each other's lips. Her hips bucked up into his and her mind blanked out when she felt his hard length pressed into her thigh. _Ben Solo wants me._

“Wait, wait,” Ben panted against her mouth and Rey almost growled.

“What?” She tried to pull him back to her even as she asked, but Ben was pretty strong. Scratch that, _very_ strong, and even Rey couldn’t get him to budge with her own muscular arms. She growled again; they both liked each other, they were stuck in this apartment, they wanted this, what could they _possibly_ still have to talk about?

“I wanna take you on a date.” He said simply.

She blinked at him. “Um. What?”

“A date.”

“...wait, what?”

Ben sighed and briefly rested his head against her neck. “I wanna do this. God, Rey, you have no idea. But I want to take you on a date first; I’ve dreamed of this for ages, and you deserve more.”

“Wait, so…” Rey nudged him so he had to look at her again. “You don’t want to have sex with me until you take me on a date?”

His whole body shivered against her as he let out a nervous chuckle. “I guess that’s what I’m trying to say, yeah,”

She was embarrassed to admit the amount of panic flooding through her. A date? But how long would they be trapped in this apartment? They had at least twenty more days in self-isolation, and who knew when it would really be safe to go eat at a restaurant again and she understood not rushing things but honestly, she had already been waiting for five months and _was she really on the verge of crying because she wasn’t going to get Ben’s cock in a timely manner-_

“Whoa, whoa, no, Rey, hey-” he cradled her face again and smiled. “I couldn’t wait until we get out of here, either.”

“Well then what’s your plan exactly? We can’t leave the apartment, Ben.” 

He bit his lip. _No fair, that’s my job now,_ Rey briefly thought to herself. And then a grin so blinding broke across Ben’s face, she nearly couldn’t stand to look at it. “I’ve got it.”

“What?”

“I can’t tell you, but trust me, it’s good sweetheart.” The endearment made her heart clench, realizing he’d called her that before. _He really did like me the whole time._ He leaned down and pecked her on the lips, far gentler than they had been going at it previously. “But I need to start working if I wanna have it ready by tonight. So listen, okay?” She nodded. “I want you to get dressed up, take your time, do some nice things to make yourself feel good, okay, sweetheart?” _I’d much rather_ you _make me feel good._ But she nodded again. “Right. My only request is that you don’t come into the living room or kitchen at all today.”

“Ben, you don’t have to-” he silenced her with another kiss.

“I want to. Just promise me you won’t come out there, and you’ll be ready by six. Promise me?” He nudged her nose with his and then it was her turn to shiver.

“I promise.”

It was funny to her, the way they did everything in reverse it seemed. Like this kiss; most kisses started sweet and got filthier the longer you went, but instead their utter mauling of each other had somehow turned into gentle pecks across each other’s faces. All too soon, Ben was pulling away from her, quiet reassurances in her ear that the surprise would be worth it. She hated him leaving so soon, but it was worth getting to not only openly watch his ass as he walked away, but also to see him nearly fall over as soon as his feet hit the ground, the dopey grin he cast over his shoulder at her making her heart clench.

 _Fuck, I am so far gone for him._ A smile spread across her face. _But it’s okay, because he’s so far gone for me too._

-

Rey felt pretty stupid getting all dressed up to go to her living room, but every time she started fidgeting with her dress and wondering if she should change, she remembered the deadly serious look Ben had given her when he made her promise, and the feelings of stupidity melted away. (Well, mostly. Not completely. She still couldn’t believe it took them five months and a fucking pandemic to realize their feelings.)

At exactly six, a knock sounded on her door. Rey took a moment to check her make-up in the mirror one last time and then opened it to find Ben standing there in clean, tight black jeans, a black t-shirt and his black leather jacket. His hair looked fluffy and probably had fresh product in it, and he smelled amazing. Rey smiled, and the grin on his face melted right off. Her smile followed suit. “What’s wrong-”

“Holy fuck.” He whispered, eyeing her up and down, from her tan heels all the way to her hair, which she had decided to curl. “You look amazing. I don’t think I dressed nice enough,”

Rey rolled her eyes, hoping he hadn’t noticed how she automatically blushed at his words. “Ben, we’re going to the _living room,”_

Again, his gaze took on that steady, serious sincerity he’d had on her bed before. “No we’re not. We’re going to Ristorante de Ren.”

She scrunched her nose as she smiled. “Ren? Why Ren?”

His ears turned pink. “Um, it’s our names combined.”

Rey bit her lip and smiled again. Because he’d _thought about that?_ “Bey is cuter, don’t you think?”

“Sounds less like a fancy restaurant,”

“Mm, true.” He stuck his arm out for her and she just stared at it for a minute before remembering what that meant. She slipped her own arm through and let him lead her down the hallway, only to stop short at the entrance with a gasp. 

It wasn’t that their living room was ugly; Ben was a neat freak and Rey had a green thumb that meant all their plants were well kept and flourishing, and the overall feel of the place was always pretty homey and nice in Rey’s opinion...but she’d never seen it look as nice as Ben had made it. He’d strung white holiday lights around the edge of the room, dragged the little dining table to the center and then covered it with a red cloth Rey didn’t even recognize, candles were lit all around, the windows had been thrown open to let in a cool spring breeze, it smelled so good Rey’s stomach automatically growled and her ears could hear gentle, lilting music she pondered for a moment and then recognized.

_Time In A Bottle. The man put on a sappy Jim Croce song._

“Do you like it?” He whispered nervously. Rey’s eyes watered and her heart felt ready to burst because she didn’t like it, she _loved it_ . He’d done this for her. It was as if everything that had happened, the whirlwind of the last 24 hours, finally sunk in and she could fathom that _yes, he likes me too, he did this for me, this is happening..._ but it was hard to put that into words, and the only two her eloquent brain could conjure were; 

_“Fuck me.”_

Ben chuckled right next to her ear, his hand caressing her shoulder. “Later, sweetheart, later,”

She gave him a wry, surprised smile. “Since when are you so suave and confident?”

“Since I found out the girl I’ve been pining over for five months likes me back.”

 _I love you,_ she thought to herself, but she proudly managed to keep that little nugget of information inside for now, instead pulling him down for a gentle kiss. It was slow, unlike the others they had shared, and she noticed his mouth tasted of herbs and spices, probably from whatever delicious thing he’d cooked. He smiled against her mouth when they pulled apart, looking dazed, until her stomach growled again. Rey hid her face in his neck as she laughed.

“Hungry?” He asked, stroking her back.

“Yeah, what’s on the menu at this Ren place, anyway?”

He led her over to the table, even pulling out her chair and then removing his jacket to drape over her shoulders _just_ as she shivered. It smelled like him and she smiled. He shrugged. “The windows being open gives us some nice fresh air, but I don’t want you to get cold.”

“Thanks.” She mumbled. With his jacket gone, she got the full show of watching his biceps ripple as he poured them each some wine and then divided up some kind of veggie salad with goat cheese.

“This is only the first course, so pace yourself,”

Rey snorted. “Probably a good thing, you know how I can pack it away,”

Ben’s smile was gentle. “I love how much you eat.” It was an odd thing to say maybe, but to Rey it was somehow like he was reassuring that it was okay, that there would always be more than enough food, that he would make sure of it. 

Rey coughed and looked away, biting into the salad and then moaning. “How do you make veggies taste this good?”

Ben gave a nervous chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck, nose scrunched. “It wasn’t that hard.”

Rey was silent for the next several moments, not because she didn’t have anything to say but rather because she was too distracted eating. But once she started to notice Ben’s gaze on her, she looked up and saw he had barely touched his food and was fidgeting with his fork, quickly looking away when she caught him staring.

“Ben?” Rey swallowed. “Everything alright?”

“Uh, yes,” his reply was too fast and she saw him cringe. Some panic rose in her.

“Was it something I-”

“God, no, Rey, it’s nothing you…” Ben pushed his hair out of his face, and somehow it just ended up laying even more perfectly. “I’m…”

“What?”

_“Scared.”_

He looked utterly ashamed, and Rey almost burst out laughing at the simple irony, but she quickly realized that could send the wrong message. She shook her head. Couldn’t he hear her fucking heart ready to beat out of her chest? See the sweat on her forehead despite the cool air? _Feel_ the way she couldn’t seem to settle down?

“I’m scared too.” She said simply. “Fuck, Ben, I’m terrified. I never thought you’d like me back, but somehow you do and…” He met her gaze with big, soulful eyes and she smiled, extending her hand to him across the table. “But I really like you, Ben. So let’s be scared together, alright?” She saw him wipe his palm on his pant leg before slowly easing his fingers into hers. His hand was clammy. She found it endearing and somehow exactly right, and she squeezed his big palm and he squeezed back, his hand nearly swallowing her own whole. It did something to Rey’s insides.

“I really like you too,” he whispered and Rey’s smile only grew.

“Thank you for doing all of this.” She released his hand and gestured to their surroundings, and Ben blessedly picked up his fork, apparently calm enough to eat at least. His laugh was more carefree.

“You don’t have to thank me; I’ve been wanting to do this since I met you,”

“What, make your own restaurant to take me to during a pandemic?”

She saw him fight his smile, give up, and grin openly at her. “Okay, maybe not _exactly_ this.”

“It’s still nice,” Rey whispered, “like this.”

There were so many worlds where she could have been alone during this, but instead, here she was, with a man she had wanted for so long but never thought she could have, and he was feeding her and nervous because he wanted to impress _her_ and the very thought made Rey’s eyes water again. She chuckled to keep from crying and added, “And at least having this entire ‘restaurant’ to ourselves means we can do whatever we want, whenever we want, and _on_ whatever we want,” she finished it with a wink that she belatedly realized was probably lame, but judging by the way Ben’s mouth hung open for a beat too long, gaze hungry, she decided maybe it wasn’t.

Or maybe it _was_ lame; the point was, Ben Solo didn’t seem to care. 

Rey smiled into her wine glass.


	6. Day 16 continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, these two idiots just earned themselves an E rating, I'm so proud.  
> Also I thought you guys deserved some smut XD

**Day/Night 16**

The conversation was easy, like Ben was learning it somehow could be despite his foot-in-mouth syndrome; Rey made _everything_ easy somehow. However, an unforeseen complication he had underestimated on his ‘date’ was how hard it would be not to cry.

Maybe it was absolutely pathetic, but after kissing Rey, after hearing her say she liked him too, after he had felt her so soft and eager beneath him-it had taken strength he didn’t know he possessed to go start working on dinner-he had gone to his room and let himself break down for a few minutes, not out of sadness but out of sheer joy that something he had thought would never happen in a million years had somehow happened. He’d thought he’d gotten all his tears out while he got the place ready and then spent too long on his hair, reminding himself of what Tai said, about how feeling emotions was okay, a sign he was moving forward...

But every time Rey brushed his hand with hers as she spoke, every time she gave him that little reassuring smile, hell, every time she so much as _looked_ at him...yeah, he fell apart a little in a good way. And he supposed he should be grateful, his anxiety having lessened over the course of dinner, but it was no good if the anxiety was just replaced with an inclination to cry his eyes out while he thanked her for deigning to eat his homemade bread. He prayed some other emotion would come along and cancel it out, as that one had canceled out his fear.

His wish was granted halfway through dinner, when Rey let out a breathy moan.

Ben was sure he almost snapped his fork in two.

 _“Fuck,_ this is delicious,” she moaned again and licked her lips and he nearly passed out. All thoughts of crying died and were replaced by other, far more pleasant thoughts, cataloging the sounds she had made on her bed that morning, wondering what sounds he could get her to make later…

Because he would. It would be good for her, of that, he would be sure. His OCD tendencies had a way of tripping him up in day to day life, but in this? He wouldn’t quit until she was screaming in pleasure. About a million things he’d been imagining for months flashed through his mind, and his blood started racing because _she wanted that too_ and-

“Ben? Did you hear me?”

He snapped his gaze back to her big eyes and shook his head, feeling his ears turn pink. “Sorry, um, was in a daze I guess,”

She didn’t seem offended, instead casting him a knowing grin and thankfully not questioning it. Instead, she inclined her to the speaker in the corner where his phone was hooked up. “I asked about the playlist. It’s really good, but it’s got quite an..interesting mix of songs on it?”

Ben felt himself get even warmer. At this point, he could have cooked dinner on his face. He swallowed down his bite of food and chewed his lip, noting the way Rey’s eyes tracked the movement with hunger. _Holy fuck._

“I, um…I made it.”

“Huh?” Now _she_ looked dazed and flushed. Some primal part of his brain did a fist pump.

“The playlist. I-I, er, I made it,”

Her eyes got even bigger and her smile was blinding. “You made this playlist for our date? You...you were the one who picked out Jim Croce and The Beach Boys and Elvis Presley and...” The next song came on and her eyebrows shot up. “And you put Taylor Swift on it?”

He chugged down the last of his wine and began to stand. “I think this song is romantic, but I can change it if you want-” he’d tried to think of music that conveyed how he felt while also remembering Rey’s taste in music herself, but maybe he had totally missed the mark-

“Ben.” Her hand shot out and caught his as he stood. “I love it. No one has ever done something like that for me.”

Ben rubbed his thumb over the back of her fingers. The candles had burned down and were dripping wax onto the table because of the wind, and while normally that would drive him crazy, he found that he didn’t mind too much, instead blurting out; “Dance with me?”

It was stupid, he knew it was, but Rey shot to her feet at once, letting his jacket slip to the chair. “I wasn’t raised in a castle so forgive me for my two left feet, alright?”

Ben laughed. “Exactly how do you picture my childhood?”

“You were raised by Leia, I imagine it was very fancy indeed.”

He chuckled again and rested his chin on top of her head, draping his arms loosely across her lower back as she wound hers up and around his neck.

“I know it wasn’t perfect though,” she whispered against his chest.

“What?”

“Your childhood. I wasn’t trying to imply it was perfect.” He drew back to look at her, her expression surprisingly tender. “I know you...you felt lonely, and I want you to know you can talk to me about that. That kind of stuff. I want us to talk about that stuff. I haven’t always been the most open person but...but I want us to be. With each other.”

 _Fuck._ He felt like crying again. He couldn’t speak for the lump in his throat as Rey blinked up at him, her face slowly taking on a guarded, nervous appearance.

“Unless…unless this is just, um, some corona-virus fling? I guess we never talked about...we never talked about what this was gonna become-”

 _Nonono,_ he needed to shut that down _now._ Miscommunication had almost ruined his relationship with his parents and then it had kept him from Rey for almost six months; she needed to know he was with her, all the way, as long as she would have him.

“Rey, I don’t want a fling, I love you.”

Her face changed expressions again, this time to shock, and Ben was hit with a panic attack so fast it made him dizzy. _Well fuck, that backfired, didn’t it?_ In his haste to get her to stay, he’d probably scared her off permanently. He dropped his hands from her waist and bent over, breathing hard and squeezing his eyes closed.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, that was way too soon and I just freaked you out, didn’t I? I totally did, it’s okay, I get it, that was weird-” 

“Ben, hey, Ben, breathe, look at me,” she drew him up again, let him rest his head on her shoulder. Her fingers carded through his hair. “I love you too, Ben.” All the air froze in his lungs. 

“Really?” He whispered, flexing his fingers against her hips. 

“Yeah. Have for a while now.” She paused. “And you...do you really love me?”

He nodded, turning to nuzzle her cheek. “So much. For a while.”

“Okay.”

She tugged on him to meet her lips and he sighed with relief; it had only been about an hour since he kissed her, but it was far, far too long to go without. She breathed life back into him, and his heart was still racing, but in a much more pleasant way. _She loves me._ Rey tasted like wine as she moaned into his mouth, hands coming up to brush his scalp in a way that made him instinctively pull her closer, somehow still swaying slowly as the music drifted along.

The truth was, the song reminded him of Rey. All the songs he’d chosen did. 

_“I don’t wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don’t wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you. Been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night; but now I see daylight...I only see daylight…”_

Yeah, Ben knew from many years of therapy you couldn’t count on someone else to fix you; but it wasn’t that Rey fixed him, it was just...she finished him. Fulfilled some empty part of him, lit up the shadows. His light. His Rey.

 _Oh god, is that weird to think?_ Some panic rose again, but with a flick of her tongue, Rey thoroughly distracted him. Her hands wandered, like they had that morning in her room, scratching down his back, palming his ass. Without even thinking, Ben found himself wrapping his hands under her bare thighs, lifting her up into his arms. She was all soft and eager, pressing up against him and hanging on tight as they just stood there in their living room, his arms supporting her as she continued to kiss him how she liked.

“Ben?” She whimpered against his lips after a few moments, and he had to kiss her quickly again before he could respond, one hand drifting up to play with the curls of her hair.

“Yeah?”

“The restaurant was fun. Can we go back to your place now, though?” Rey asked, eyes full of mischief and Ben found himself grinning.

“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll even give you a ride there,” he replied, hoisting her up a bit more firmly as he squeezed her ass, and she shrieked in delight. “You sure you got enough dinner?” He added as he started to move towards the hall. After all, he didn’t go to all of the trouble of waiting only to get carried away when she was still hungry. So long as it was in his power to control, Rey would never be hungry in her life again.

“Plenty. But I still have room for dessert.” She nibbled on his bottom lip and Ben froze briefly, then slowly lowered Rey to the ground. “Ben, wha-”

“Fuck!”

He tore off into the kitchen, but he could still hear Rey calling after him, “Ben, that was just a joke, I was hinting about sex, I don’t actually need dessert!-”

He threw the oven door open and was greeted by a cloud of smoke. “I made dessert, but I forgot to set the timer ‘cause my soup was getting too hot, FUCK, I’m sorry Rey-” he pulled the-now very blackened-tiny chocolate souffles from out of the oven. Of course he would mess that up, of course he would mess up her favorite part of the meal, because he always messed up everything and-

Rey’s arms wrapped around him from behind, and her warm lips planted a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“Ben, it’s not a big deal, I don’t care about that.”

He breathed out slowly and shut his eyes, gently caressing her hands where they barely met across his stomach. “Sorry. I’m freaking out again.” He forced a chuckle. “Been doing that a lot tonight, haven’t I?”

“That’s fine, you’ve seen me all angry and ready to kill, and unfortunately it won’t be the last time you see that.”

“It wasn’t that bad, sweetheart-”

“That’s because it was a mild case of it. You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d witnessed me in the great bar incident of 2014,”

Ben snorted. “You’ll have to tell me about it sometime. If, you know, you want to.”

“Mm.” She hummed into his back. “Oddly enough, I feel rather like I want to tell you everything.”

“Yeah.” Ben exhaled slowly, deliberately. “Me too.”

She kissed along his shoulders. “You really were that worried about dessert, weren’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I know how much you like it.” He turned in her arms to look at her, and she stared up at him with uncertain eyes. “What?”

“It’s just, y’know, most of my life people treated me like I was worthless and you’re this sweet guy who panics when he forgets dessert, and I’m this hot mess with family issues and anger management problems and that isn’t just gonna go away, y’know, and-”

“Rey.” He didn’t want to interrupt, but he recognized a self-loathing tirade when he heard one. Surprisingly, she stopped, meeting his gaze as he caressed her cheek, her hazel eyes somehow managing to glow under the yellowish light of the kitchen. “You deserve everything you want. You deserve to feel good.”

Rey bit her lip, some of the tension seeping from her shoulders as she stepped a little closer to him, her chest pressing against his. “Are you gonna make me feel good, Ben?”

He hadn’t meant it like that, and some part of him wondered if he should make her talk out her feelings instead of diving right in, no matter how badly he _wanted_ to just dive right in. And then he realized there was no point in debating when he could just ask. “Is that what you want, sweetheart?” He brushed her hair from her shoulders. He liked it when she left it down. 

“Yeah.”

That was all the confirmation Ben needed, and his obsessive mind served him well, narrowing down to one singular focus; Rey, and making her feel good. “Then that’s what you’ll get, sweetheart,”

He swept her up again, and he knew she was expecting him to carry her off, but instead he hoisted her onto the counter he’d scrubbed clean a few hours prior. He’d need to clean it again by the time they were done.

“Ben, what’re-”

“You said we could do this wherever we wanted and _on_ whatever we wanted,” he pointed out, sinking to his knees in front of her. He saw her eyes darken and he trailed his hands down her legs.

“Uh-huh...”

“You’re trembling.” She nodded again. Ben kissed both her knees. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” She shouted, reaching out to yank him towards her by his hair, only to abruptly let go, looking chastised. “I mean, no, please-”

Ben guided her hand back into his hair, kissing her thighs next. “It’s okay,”

She shivered. He eased his hands under her dress, pushing it up past her hips, groaning when he saw her black lace underwear.

“You should be grateful. For a second there I thought the only clean panties I had were _Doctor Who_ themed, it’s been a while since I did laundry,” she chuckled and Ben grinned up at her.

“If that had happened, I probably would have gotten hard seeing how big of a nerd you are.” The hand in his hair tightened. Ben licked his lips. He was positively _dying_ to taste her, hungrier than he had been cooking all day. “Can I go down on you, baby?”

Rey froze, body still releasing tiny tremors. “Y-yes.”

It was odd to Ben seeing Rey so uncertain. She was always so confident and sure of herself, stubborn about her opinions but only because she knew _exactly_ what she wanted.

“We don’t have to if you-”

“No, god, it sounds great just…” she shook her head. “Normally I feel too vulnerable to let anyone do it that way...it’s been a while since I…I’m saying, I haven’t done this since before you moved in and honestly-”

“Hey.” He leaned up to kiss her, nipping at her lips. “Me neither. And we can wait if you want, so I wanna know, is this okay?”

He felt her shaky exhale against his throat. “Fuck, yeah Ben. I pretty much wanna do everything with you,”

He had to pause for a minute and collect himself as those words caused an avalanche of fantasies to come pouring into his mind. He took a deep breath and kissed her again, easing his hand down her front until he met the elastic of her underwear. Rey moaned and lifted her hips, letting him pull them down her legs and drop them onto the floor, only to return his fingers to that spot.

“Holy fuck _,_ you’re wet,” he whispered, his brain short-circuiting for a second as she keened. He trailed kisses down her chest to her exposed stomach, and then down to her legs, Rey eagerly parting them for him. Ben cradled her thighs gently, appreciating the view of her so wet and perfect, before he leaned forward, licking a hot stripe up her center.

 _Holy fuck, I could probably live here._ Rey gave a full body shudder and Ben instinctively reached up to hold her down. 

_“Fuck,_ Ben-”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” He gave her a ridiculously chaste kiss against her clit and smiled. “You taste amazing.”

She moaned.

His mind practically blanked out as he continued sucking and licking, listening to the noises she made as cues, feeling how her body responded to him, encouraging her to guide him with her hands in his hair or simply with her words- _“Yes, just to the left, Ben, YES-”_ until she was panting and squirming under his hands and he could almost taste it, how close she was. He slipped two of his fingers up and into her wet heat, and she jerked and knocked her hands back into the cabinets, crying out his name and some primal part of Ben absolutely cheered; because _yes,_ he had dreamed of this moment, of his name on her tongue while she was in the throes of pleasure, the fact that _he_ was the one with the honor of giving her that pleasure, and he knew it was melodramatic but he didn’t fucking care because she was coming and it was beautiful. He eased her through it, not stopping until she tugged him up, and even then he left unwillingly, already missing the taste of her on his tongue. His cock was harder than it had probably been in his entire life, but he didn’t really care about that, either, when he stood up again and saw the look on Rey’s face.

It was odd to think it had only been a few weeks prior that he bemoaned how Rey never smiled at him like she did with everyone else, because now she was smiling at him in a way he had _never_ seen her bestow on anyone before; sleepy, sated and pleased. A smile only for him.

“Oh. My fucking. God.” She whispered, a shaky laugh escaping her. Ben grinned and sucked on the two fingers that had previously been inside her, and her eyes darkened and her smile turned more predatory, until suddenly she let loose a guffaw of surprise and leaned forward to rest her head on his chest.

“What?”

“Ohmygod, Ben, is this Barry Manilow?”

Ben had sort of zoned out on everything except the sounds Rey had been making, but as he focused, he realized his playlist had rolled around to _Can’t Smile Without You._ He smirked and pulled her forward to the edge of the counter, squeezing her ass.

“It’s a classic, sweetheart,”

She smiled. “I can’t believe you made me a bloody _mixtape_.” Her fingers traced lazy designs across his chest, skimming lower and lower until she was caressing the length of him through his jeans. He hissed. “You want me to help with that?”

“Really?”

“Duh.”

Ben laughed and wrapped his arms around her. “Hang on.” She immediately wound herself around him, burying her face in his shoulder and inhaling deeply.

“You smell good,”

Ben ran his nose up against her hair. “You too,”

“No, I always smell like grease and sweat,”

“Guess I’m a fan of grease and sweat then.” She kissed his neck and smiled up at him as he carried her down the hallway. “You’re place or mine?”

“Yours. Your sheets are better,” Rey replied practically, and that same primal voice in Ben’s head celebrated that he was about to get to see Rey naked in his own bed. He eased through his doorway and made his way across the room in the dark, laying Rey down gently, although she popped up at once.

“How is your room clean? This damn virus has made me kinda messy again,”

“Uh…” he paused, staring down at her from the foot of his bed, wondering if bringing up mental illnesses would put a damper on the evening. “OCD, remember?”

She actually _giggled._ “Oh, right, sorry.” Her hands came up to cover her face and Ben grinned, leaning down to pull her hands away and kiss across her forehead and cheeks.

“Don’t apologize for being amazing.”

Now it was Rey’s turn to grin, licking her lips as she stared up at him. Her legs wrapped around his hips, dragging him in close to her so he could feel the heat radiating from her core. "I want you on top right now. That cool?"

Ben moaned. Getting to see Rey ride him was definitely on his to-do list, but at this point, he knew just getting to be with her in any form was definitely going to blow his mind. "Yeah." He bent down over her, reaching for the zipper of her dress as he chuckled to himself. “You know, I normally don’t have sex on the first date,” Ben whispered against her skin, and Rey gently nudged his hand away in favor of yanking his shirt off.

“We’ve been living together for five months and didn’t even realize the other felt the same way, I hardly think we’re rushing... _fuck,_ your chest is a marvel, you know that?” Her lips and hands caressed it for good measure and Ben moaned, curling in around her as she licked up to his mouth. “Hey.”

“What?”

“Now _you’re_ trembling,”

“Yeah, I’m nervous.” It didn’t seem strange to admit that to Rey, and just saying it aloud made some of the tension slip away. Rey kept caressing him, kissing every inch of him she could reach.

“It’s okay…you want this, right?”

“Yeah. I want _you,”_

“You have me. And I want you too, Ben, so stop freaking out and just get inside me already,”

“Shit, I almost fucking came just from you saying that.”

Their laughter mixed and it was easy again somehow. Rey’s fingers worked the zipper of his pants, and Ben shoved them down along with his boxers without even thinking. He saw Rey’s face shift.

“Everything okay?”

“You’re fucking huge, Ben.” Her hand encircled him and Ben shivered.

 _“Fuck, Rey-”_ He grasped for the zipper of her dress again, and she let him ease it over her head. He sighed at the sight of Rey completely naked. “You’re tits are amazing.”

“Thanks. So’s your cock,”

His chuckle was shaky. “Thanks,” he shuddered as she continued to stroke him, leaning down to lick across the head. “Shit.” And then, less happily, “Aw, shit.”

“I know-”

“No, Rey,” he leaned back to look at her face, all flushed, eyes dark, brow drawn at being pushed away. “I don’t have a condom.”

“Oh.” Rey bit her lip. “I really want you inside me right now and I am on the verge of making some very irresponsible decisions to get it.”

Ben squeezed her hips tight. “We...shouldn’t do that.”

“Well, hang on,” she shifted a bit, leaning back in a manner that made her breasts stand out, and Ben reached forward to caress one. Rey didn’t seem to mind, only giving a brief shiver and a tiny moan. “Okay, so neither of us, um, have been with anyone in over five months?” He nodded “Okay, and I’m very consistent on the pill, so, um- _shit, Ben, that feels good-”_ she whined as he sucked almost the entirety of one of her tits into his mouth. She massaged his scalp, falling back flat on the bed. “so um, I think we’re good?”

Ben released her breast with a lewd popping sound that somehow managed to make his cock twitch, staring up at Rey incredulously. “Are you sure? Is this an irresponsible decision I should be stopping you from making?”

“Plenty of people use just the pill, Ben, and if we’re both clean, I don’t see a problem.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Yeah. I’m sure.”

They both stared at each other, a slash of light from the hallway highlighting Rey’s face, hair spread out around her like a halo, eyes glowing, and Ben wondered how the hell he’d gotten so lucky. She licked her lips.

“Hi.”

“Hi,”

“Was that totally unsexy to talk about all of that?”

Ben shook his head, leaning down to cage her in between his arms. “No. Kinda the opposite, in a weird way.” He bit her earlobe playfully. “I like thoroughness, remember?” And then he dove in to recapture her mouth, any words she was going to say lost in his tongue pressing against her’s. She moaned and ground up against him, somehow managing to angle him at her entrance and then he was sinking forward and-

 _Fuck._ “Fuck, Rey-”

She whimpered and for a second he was terrified he was hurting her, but then she was spreading her legs wider, inviting him in, and the way she relaxed and her body just gave and gave, letting him be _inside her,_ as close as he could possibly get...after years of being lonely, of never thinking it would ever happen, of dreaming and hoping and fantasizing, and now it was happening, and he was here with her, and it was somehow better than anything he had imagined, her body so responsive to his...

“You feel…” he trembled above her, the warmth of her cunt making it harder and harder not to embarrass himself. She traced up and down his spine delicately, like he was something precious.

“Yeah, Ben?”

“You feel so...good- _fuck, Rey-_ like…” he kissed all over her face, trying to convey the feeling that was deep in his chest, slowly moving in her. She panted up against his ear and her body somehow let him sink in even deeper.

“I feel it too.”

His hips settled against hers. “Rey.”

“Let go, Ben. Please, please, just...let go, I need more,” she tugged on his hair so hard it hurt a little. “Make me feel good.”

Something snapped inside him. “You got it, sweetheart,” Ben clamped a hand onto her hip and began thrusting into her in earnest. Rey groaned and locked her legs around his back.

“Ben, fuck, yes-” Her hips rolled in time with his and he moved his hands down, angling her up a bit until she shrieked, head thrown back. He kissed her messily, panting into her mouth as their bodies rocked together over and over in a steady rhythm.

“You’re doing so well, Rey,” she whimpered as he thrust in a little harder. “So beautiful.” He moved a hand up to squeeze her breast and he felt her grow tighter around him. “I’ve got you,”

Ben knew the moment he hit her in the right spot, the way she somehow both melted and stiffened. “Ben, it…” she shook beneath him, snaking her hand downwards. “Need-”

He released her breast and reached down to touch her clit. Rey spasmed around him and her fingernails dug into his back _hard_ , reminding him how strong her small body was. He let out a growl. “I told you, I’ve got you. Come for me, love. I wanna feel it. I wanna feel what I do to you.”

Her eyes squeezed shut briefly, but then she seemed to think better of it, opening them again to stare into his. “Come, love,” he whispered again, pressing in just a little harder, “come for me, let go,”

And then she was bucking beneath him, shouting his name as she begged him not to stop-as if he would ever think of stopping _now_ -and clamping down around him surprisingly hard. Ben’s thrusts stuttered into a rhythm he didn’t understand, and he clutched her hips again, trying to hold on, to let her ride out her orgasm slowly, but the sight of Rey beneath him all flushed from her climax was quickly undoing him. He was vaguely concerned he was bruising her from how tight he was gripping her hips, but Rey didn’t seem to mind. Her own muscular legs were still locked tight around him.

“So beautiful,” she whispered, one hand caressing his cheek, “I’ve got you too, Ben.” Some fresh emotion rose in his throat. “What can I do to make you come, baby, what do you need?”

He gathered her up and she moved eagerly, pressing her to his chest, and with a relieved groan, let his release come, thrusting one final time with her name tumbling from his lips. For several moments, the only sound was their heavy breathing, the room smelling of sex and Ben’s mind occupied only by the thought of how Rey felt around him. For all he knew, the rest of the world was nothing, his whole galaxy somehow bundled up in this woman he held in his arms. 

Ben felt his energy truly waning and he managed to roll onto his back, dragging Rey with him, and she hissed slightly as he slid out of her. His hair was sticky with sweat, and when Rey swung her leg up onto his hip, he could feel his spend dripping out of her, and it should have been gross to him but it wasn’t.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, tugging her even closer so she was practically laying on top of him.

“For what?”

Ben let out a long, happy sigh, his mind finally quiet. “For letting me do that.”

She kissed along his chest and neck, up to his lips. “Thank you for thanking me,”

Rey started to sit up, but Ben grabbed at her arm and pulled her right back down. “Where’re you going?”

“Gotta pee.” Her eyes were gentle. “I’ll be back,”

He released her reluctantly, and watched her disappear down the hall.

 _Holy fucking...fuck._ He’d just made love to Rey. Rey loved him. A giddy, disbelieving smile spread across his face. She wanted this, she wanted to be with him, she was his _girlfriend_ and there were so many things he wanted to do with her and...and too bad there was a fucking pandemic on, but it would be over one day. And until then, well, they had each other. And being stuck in an apartment with Rey was by no means a punishment.

The hall light shut off as Rey returned, so only the glow from outside his window lit the room. He gathered up the blankets and helped her crawl under them and then on top of him again, hugging her close and resting his chin atop her head. “What were you thinking about?” She asked through a yawn.

“The future.”

“Sounds ominous.”

“All the places I want to take you. When this is all over,” he gently traced down her spine and up again. 

“There were a lot of places I wanted to see when I was young. I used to study maps, in my foster dad’s back office, and think of all the places I’d go someday…” he squeezed her a little tighter, thinking of a young Rey, curled up in some darkened room all alone. “But it just seemed so depressing, when I got older, thinking of seeing something new all by yourself. As stupid as I’m sure that sounds, there’s nothing wrong with traveling independently, but...”

“Just because you _can_ survive on your own doesn’t mean you should have to. You’re not alone anymore, okay? I promise, I’m here for good sweetheart,” He heard her sniff, but he didn’t say anything, just continued to hold her until he couldn’t hold back the words. “And there’s nothing wrong with wanting someone, either. When I was growing up, I used to daydream about being married.”

She propped her chin on his chest and stared up at him. “Really?”

“Yep. Picture a nine-year-old Ben Solo, with ears like dumbo, ignoring the Monster Trucks all the other boys were playing with to instead sit in his window and imagine someone finally filling the void in his chest.” He’d meant it as a joke, but the way Rey kissed him let him know that she saw through his bullshit.

“You’re not alone anymore, either,”

Ben swallowed. “Yeah.”

“And I like your ears.” She nipped at one, and her grin seemed to brighten the room, even though he knew that was scientifically impossible. “So where do you want to take me? When all of this is…” she waved a hand vaguely towards the window and he understood.

“Mykonos.”

“That’s the place in Greece with all the white and blue buildings, right?”

Ben laughed into her hair. “Yeah.”

“Okay, sure. My turn, umm…” he glanced down to watch her scrunch her nose in concentration. “Alaska.”

“I’ve been before, actually. With my dad,”

“Oh. Would you mind going again?”

“No.” He kissed her forehead. It was addicting, kissing Rey. “I could show you around, to some of my favorite places up there.”

“So long as it’s green and far away from people,” she grinned again, or maybe she’d really never stopped grinning, and Ben could still hardly fathom that grin was for _him._

“Far away from people is my favorite place to be,”

“Hmm…” she hummed contentedly. “Sushi. I wanna try sushi, I’ve never had it.”

Ben spluttered. “What, never?”

“Nope, orphans don’t eat a lot of raw fish, Ben,”

“Orphans in Japan might.”

“Touché,” 

“The park.”

“Wow, we went from Mykonos to the park?”

“I wanna hold hands with my girlfriend in the park, forgive me.”

“Your girlfriend, huh? I like the sound of that...” She burrowed deeper into the crook of his shoulder, her body on his like one of those weighted blankets his therapist was always going on about; in Ben’s opinion, just sleeping with Rey atop him was much better than some blanket. He rested his hand against her hip, the other stroking her hair.

“I didn’t squeeze you too hard earlier, did I?” 

“You squeezed me just the right amount, thank you.” She replied.

How had he gotten so lucky? To have this woman here, with him? To be allowed to touch her, kiss her, make love to her all night and then hold her? _You don’t deserve it. She’ll come to her senses._ Flashes of her leaving quickly sped through his mind, of her getting tired of his insecurities, of him disappointing her somehow, of making her cry...he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“You’re all tensed up.” She sucked a marking kiss onto his chest and craned her head back to look at him with sleepy eyes. “I love you.”

Ben swallowed and didn’t fight the tears, leaning down to brush his nose against hers. “I love you too. So fucking much.”

And just like that, the heaviness in his chest lifted. He wasn’t a total lovesick fool, he knew it would be back, but maybe the next time it appeared it would be lighter, and lighter, until one day it didn’t crush him anymore. 

Until one day, the only weight on his chest was Rey’s warm body slowly lulling him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I upped the chapter count one more time, haha, but I swear that's really gonna be it. We just have the epilogue, and then this story is done! Thank so you much to everyone who has been reading and commenting, we're almost at the end! I'm gonna be sad to see these two lovesick fools go, I'll admit it!


	7. Day 17 thru ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this end chapter ended up being a lot different than I expected, and while I'm happy with the end result, it's also way shorter than I expected, so I'm sorry it took me song long to get this to all of you XD

**Day 17 thru ?**

When Rey woke up the morning following their date, it was to the sensation of Ben nuzzling into her neck, pressing gentle kisses into her hair. She smiled to herself, turning in his embrace to kiss him on the mouth as her memory played out the very pleasant events of the previous night.

“Morning,” he mumbled, hair tousled in that manner that had always made her crazy, wanting to run her fingers through it. Now she could, tugging a little until he opened his eyes. She grinned.

“Round two?”

“You don’t want me to make you breakfast first?”

“Right now I want you more than I want food.”

“High praise coming from you,” he grinned and Rey smacked his chest playfully, sliding the sheets aside.

“It’s fine, I’ll just eat you,” she smiled at his dumbfounded expression which quickly turned to one of pure lust as she slid down his body.

The morning was warm and leisurely, not something Rey was used to; they stayed in bed for a solid two hours before Ben-carrying her bridal style, no less-moved them both out to the kitchen and made pancakes. Afterwards they worked-out together, which for Rey just ended up being one long ogling session of her boyfriend, admiring the way his biceps rippled, remembering his expression as he thrust inside her, until he noticed and turned it into a make-out session. Eventually they had to work, but they did it on the couch, side by side, while holding hands.

“We’re going to be one of those clingy couples, aren’t we?” Rey groused that night as they lay tangled up in bed. Ben pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I hope so,”

The days became a blur after that. They had another Skype conference, and they both agreed to wait until they could talk to their friends and family individually before saying anything, even going to separate ends of the apartment so they could be on their own computers and not share. It didn't matter, though, as soon as they logged off Ben got a text from Leia saying,  _ ‘Finally. Congrats you two,’  _ and Rey got one from Finn not long after,  _ ‘Found a way to burn off that energy, huh?’ _

“How?” Ben asked, looking only slightly grumpy. Rey shrugged.

“Apparently we’re obvious to everyone else besides each other.”

A week passed, or maybe it was a week and a half? Rey didn’t care. At the end of it, Ben asked her to move in with him as she was baking her tenth pie of the month, and Rey laughed and said yes and called him over dramatic. They spent the day rearranging furniture, Rey putting her things in one of his nightstands-because his room had the king-sized bed-and teasing him that they were moving so quickly. They played video games and made love whenever they felt like it and wandered around in their underwear, and Rey couldn’t help feeling that everything was working out surprisingly well.

Surprisingly well for them, anyway.

Rey flipped out eight days into the relationship. Ben had little mini-freak-outs about once every two hours. They would hold each other in turn and assure the other with kisses. 

“If our relationship can stand the test of being stuck together indefinitely, I think we’re okay,” Ben mumbled on the couch, him beneath her as Rey stroked his hair and shivered pleasantly at the feeling of being cherished, of being so utterly loved.

Rey learned through Finn about the extension when he called her, bright and early one...was it Tuesday morning? She had mostly lost track, stopped checking off the days on her calendar like a prisoner. Days came and went, but they all ended with Ben holding her. That was-as sappy as she realized it sounded-all that really mattered to her.

“Are you doing okay with the extended shutdown, peanut?” Finn asked and Rey bit her lip, glancing into the kitchen from her perch on the couch, laptop in hand with the news blaring from the screen.

Ben had his back to her at the counter, humming a song softly as he poured herself a cup of coffee...well, no, there were two cups. One cup of coffee, another of tea, seamlessly adding one spoonful of sugar just the way she liked. Rey’s throat constricted a bit with pleased tears.

“Yeah. Yeah, we have some new ways to pass the time, I guess,” she mumbled and Finn faked a gag. They chatted about nothing aimlessly for a few minutes longer until hanging up with a quick exchange of,  _ ‘love you!’  _

Rey sat lost in thought a moment after that, thinking of everything that had happened since Ben moved in. A lot, the answer was  _ a lot. _ The world was crazy and she was scared, but she remembered the words Maz had told her two years prior, when she first came for therapy;

_ When you want to panic, it’s because you’re looking into the future and seeing disaster. So to combat it, you must come back to the present and see the things you can be grateful for to be able to be happy again. _

Rey hadn’t been good at that at the time and she’d struggled with it now; when the whole COVID-19 thing started, she thought it was wrong to feel any peace because so many people were suffering. 

But now...

She set her computer-and all the disastrous things it wanted to tell her-aside and strode up behind Ben, wrapping her arms around his middle and squeezing her body to his. He hummed, this time not to the tune of any song, just in contentment.

“Good morning,” he chuckled, turning in her embrace to kiss her forehead. His eyes were peaceful as he gazed at her, and Rey thought that she finally understood what Maz had meant.

“Good morning, love.” She replied, relishing in his wide grin.

And so, on the day Hosnian City announced the shut-down would be continuing in effect for another month, Rey wasn’t upset.

No, despite everything, she was finally happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I know it may not be how y'all thought it would end, but I didn't really want to jump to everything being over, I really just wanted to show how you can find peace even when things are still stressful, if that makes sense? Anyway, I wanna thank all of you who have been commenting and following this story along, you have no idea how much I appreciate it! Maybe one day I'll add an epilogue or something, let me know what you think, but for now, that's a wrap for these two idiots in love!
> 
> I hope you all are doing well in these crazy times and that this story helped brighten your day/distract you even a little bit XD

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how long this is going to be. I'm thinking probably five chapters? But for the first time I'm posting a story as I write it, so...may the force be with me. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> My Tumblr: https://morlemia.tumblr.com/  
> My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo5h5M0rZXp5TN6fLu4tc4g
> 
> Oh and to anyone who saw me complaining about not having TROS footage in my last fic, I've got the footage and finally finished my reylo video, so go check that out! :)


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